The inner critic: 20-minute letting go meditation, in the evening

About this practice

For the times in the evening when the inner critic takes up more room than you would like — 20 minutes, letting go. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this in the evening

• Dim the lights first — bright light works against the point
• Put the phone in another room
• Keep it slow rather than interesting

Something too engaging will wake you up rather than wind you down.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Then find the nearest sound. It's probably your own breathing.
2. 0:12With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
3. 0:27Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
4. 0:40You can think about other things. When you notice, come back. That's the whole practice.
5. 0:54Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
6. 1:08Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
7. 1:22Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
8. 1:34Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
9. 1:46Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
10. 1:57Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
11. 2:09Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
12. 2:20There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
13. 2:38You have been carrying the voice that grades everything for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
14. 2:58Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
15. 3:11Notice how the judge in your head changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
16. 3:28Whatever the running commentary on your flaws is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
17. 3:44Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
18. 3:56Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
19. 4:10Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
20. 4:26A short silence. Let it be empty.
21. 4:36If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
22. 4:49You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
23. 5:04Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
24. 5:16If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
25. 5:31Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
26. 5:46Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
27. 5:57Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
28. 6:08We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
29. 6:23Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
30. 6:35If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
31. 6:50Let the quiet do its work.
32. 7:00Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
33. 7:14Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
34. 7:25I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
35. 7:38Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
36. 7:51Stay here a little longer.
37. 8:00Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
38. 8:13Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
39. 8:25I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
40. 8:37Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
41. 8:49Keep following the air.
42. 8:58Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
43. 9:11Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
44. 9:23Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
45. 9:35Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
46. 9:47Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
47. 10:00Let it be this simple.
48. 10:09If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
49. 10:23A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
50. 10:34Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
51. 10:46Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
52. 10:57Remain here for a few more breaths.
53. 11:07If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
54. 11:18A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
55. 11:29Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
56. 11:39Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
57. 11:53Stay with it.
58. 12:01You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
59. 12:13Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
60. 12:23Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
61. 12:34Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
62. 12:46Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
63. 12:56Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
64. 13:08Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
65. 13:22A few seconds more.
66. 13:31Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
67. 13:42Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
68. 13:55Let this one be unhurried.
69. 14:04Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
70. 14:15If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
71. 14:29Let the pause stretch out.
72. 14:38Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
73. 14:52There is no correct amount of the voice that grades everything to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
74. 15:10A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
75. 15:21If the judge in your head is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
76. 15:38Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
77. 15:51You do not have to solve the running commentary on your flaws in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
78. 16:11Let the exhale carry a little of the voice that grades everything with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
79. 16:30Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
80. 16:41Feel the weight of the judge in your head somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
81. 16:58When the running commentary on your flaws presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
82. 17:18Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
83. 17:32If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
84. 17:46If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
85. 17:59Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
86. 18:10Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
87. 18:21Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
88. 18:37Nothing changes for a moment.
89. 18:46Come back slowly. There's no prize for finishing fast.
90. 18:57Stretch whatever feels stiff, then carry on.
91. 19:07Take the next breath slowly.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.