Self-compassion for the inner critic: 10 minutes, late at night

About this practice

When the inner critic shows up late at night, this 10-minute self-compassion session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this at night

• Skip the clock — knowing the time rarely helps at night
• Keep the room dark, and use headphones rather than a speaker
• Expect to be awake for a while without treating that as a problem

Any practice at night works better with the display off. Looking at a screen resets the whole thing.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Drop your attention from your head into your chest for a second.
2. 0:13Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
3. 0:28We're going to move through the body in order, roughly from top to bottom.
4. 0:42Let your breathing find its own pace. We're only going to watch it.
5. 0:55Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
6. 1:07Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
7. 1:19Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
8. 1:33Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
9. 1:44Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
10. 1:58Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
11. 2:10Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
12. 2:27When the judge in your head presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
13. 2:46If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
14. 3:00Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
15. 3:16Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
16. 3:28If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
17. 3:42Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
18. 3:58Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
19. 4:10Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
20. 4:23You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
21. 4:36A short silence. Let it be empty.
22. 4:46If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
23. 4:59Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
24. 5:13Let it be this simple.
25. 5:22Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
26. 5:33Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
27. 5:46Just the breath, still.
28. 5:55Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
29. 6:07Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
30. 6:20Take the next breath slowly.
31. 6:29Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
32. 6:41Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
33. 6:52I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
34. 7:04Imagine softening the edges of the running commentary on your flaws. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
35. 7:22Let the voice that grades everything be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
36. 7:42Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
37. 7:55Notice the space around the judge in your head. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
38. 8:13Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
39. 8:24Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
40. 8:38No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
41. 8:49The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
42. 9:04Remain here for a few more breaths.
43. 9:14Let the last minute of quiet be the last minute of quiet.
44. 9:27Let your breathing be completely ordinary again.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.