Self-compassion for the inner critic: 20 minutes, before work

About this practice

For the times before work when the inner critic takes up more room than you would like — 20 minutes, self-compassion. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this before a busy day

• Do it before the first message or notification
• Aim for steadiness rather than energy
• Decide the first task afterwards, not during

The point is to begin without already being behind, not to prepare for every possibility.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Notice where your body touches the chair. That contact is doing more for you than it looks.
2. 0:15Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
3. 0:30Notice whether your breathing is high in your chest or low in your belly. Just notice. No fixing.
4. 0:46Let the last hour go on its own. You can pick it up again afterwards.
5. 1:00Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
6. 1:13Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
7. 1:27Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
8. 1:40Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
9. 1:53Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
10. 2:05Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
11. 2:17Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
12. 2:28This is not the last time the running commentary on your flaws will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
13. 2:47Imagine the voice that grades everything as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
14. 3:05Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
15. 3:19You are allowed to be unimpressed by the judge in your head. Indifference is a legitimate response.
16. 3:34When the running commentary on your flaws presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
17. 3:54Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
18. 4:09If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
19. 4:24The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
20. 4:39I'll step back. You stay here.
21. 4:49Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
22. 5:02Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
23. 5:18I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
24. 5:30If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
25. 5:41Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
26. 5:55A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
27. 6:06If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
28. 6:19You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
29. 6:32I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
30. 6:44Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
31. 6:56Let the quiet do its work.
32. 7:06Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
33. 7:20Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
34. 7:32Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
35. 7:42Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
36. 7:56Stay with it.
37. 8:04Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
38. 8:18Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
39. 8:30Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
40. 8:42Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
41. 8:53Nothing changes for a moment.
42. 9:02Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
43. 9:15Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
44. 9:25A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
45. 9:36Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
46. 9:48Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
47. 10:00Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
48. 10:10If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
49. 10:24A short silence. Let it be empty.
50. 10:34Notice your breathing, without changing it.
51. 10:44Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
52. 10:55Stay here a little longer.
53. 11:04If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
54. 11:18Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
55. 11:30Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
56. 11:41Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
57. 11:54Just the breath, still.
58. 12:03Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
59. 12:17Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
60. 12:28Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
61. 12:40Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
62. 12:54Keep following the air.
63. 13:03Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
64. 13:17Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
65. 13:31Let the pause stretch out.
66. 13:40Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
67. 13:50If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
68. 14:04Let this one be unhurried.
69. 14:13Feel the tops of your thighs.
70. 14:23Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
71. 14:36Let it be this simple.
72. 14:45Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
73. 14:57Think of the voice that grades everything as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
74. 15:15Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
75. 15:27Notice the space around the judge in your head. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
76. 15:45Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
77. 15:58Notice how the running commentary on your flaws changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
78. 16:15There is no correct amount of the voice that grades everything to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
79. 16:33Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
80. 16:44Give the judge in your head a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
81. 17:02If the running commentary on your flaws is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
82. 17:20Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
83. 17:34If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
84. 17:47Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
85. 18:00Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
86. 18:13Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
87. 18:25Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
88. 18:41Let your body keep settling.
89. 18:50Let your jaw, shoulders and hands be loose as you finish.
90. 19:02Come back to your body first, and the rest of the day second.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.