Self-criticism: 20-minute letting go meditation, before a presentation

About this practice

20 minutes to meet self-criticism with less of a fight. A letting go practice, before a presentation. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

A running commentary on your mistakes
Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this before public speaking

Do it somewhere private, or in the washroom if needed
Slow the exhale deliberately and check your speaking pace after
Warm the voice by reading a line aloud, not by staying silent

Rushing is the tell of nerves. A slower breath now is what sets a slower pace in the room.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

0:00You don't have to empty your mind. Nobody has ever managed that, including the people who wrote the instructions.
0:16You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
0:31Nothing here needs to be pleasant. Neutral is fine. Dull is fine.
0:44Imagine your thoughts as traffic on a road you're standing beside. You don't have to flag any of it down.
1:01Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
1:12Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
1:25Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
1:37Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
1:49Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
2:01Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
2:12Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
2:25This is not the last time the criticism you would never aim at a friend will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
2:46Picture the record of your mistakes as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
3:05Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
3:18If the harsh voice inside shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
3:38Let the criticism you would never aim at a friend be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
4:00Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
4:14Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
4:27Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
4:42I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
4:54If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
5:08With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
5:23Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
5:34If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
5:49Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
6:05A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
6:16Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
6:28Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
6:44I'll step back. You stay here.
6:54Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
7:06No need to open your eyes yet.
7:16Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
7:30Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
7:42Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
7:53If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
8:06Stay here a little longer.
8:15Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
8:28Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
8:40Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
8:51If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
9:05Remain here for a few more breaths.
9:15Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
9:30Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
9:42Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
9:54Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
10:07Take the next breath slowly.
10:16If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
10:29No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
10:40Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
10:50Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
11:01Let it be this simple.
11:10Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
11:22I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
11:35Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
11:47Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
11:58Let this one be unhurried.
12:07Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
12:19A short silence. Let it be empty.
12:29Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
12:42Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
12:55Let the pause stretch out.
13:04Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
13:14Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
13:28A few seconds more.
13:37Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
13:49Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
14:02Just the breath, still.
14:11Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
14:23Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
14:35Let your body keep settling.
14:44Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
14:56You have been carrying the record of your mistakes for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
15:16I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
15:28You do not have to win against the harsh voice inside. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
15:45Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
15:57If the criticism you would never aim at a friend has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
16:16There is no correct amount of the record of your mistakes to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
16:34Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
16:47Nothing about the harsh voice inside has to be explained or justified in this room.
17:01If you catch yourself fighting the criticism you would never aim at a friend, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
17:20Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
17:34Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
17:48If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
18:01Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
18:15A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
18:26We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
18:41Keep following the air.
18:50Notice if anything has loosened. Even slightly counts.
19:01Notice the quiet you made, and let it close gently.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it. The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Where and when should I do this one?

Do it somewhere private, or in the washroom if needed. Rushing is the tell of nerves. A slower breath now is what sets a slower pace in the room.

What actually happens during the 20 minutes?

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.