15-minute guided self-compassion practice for tight shoulders and neck — at night

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 15 minutes of self-compassion for tight shoulders and neck, at night. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: tight shoulders and neck

Shoulders rise towards the ears under sustained stress, and the muscles of the upper back shorten to hold that posture. The result is a stiff neck and a heavy upper back.

It tends to show up as:

• Shoulders up around the ears
• Stiff neck, especially after screens
• Headaches that start at the back of the head

Weight and gravity do the release. Noticing the contact points lets the shoulders stop holding themselves up.

Doing this at night

• Skip the clock — knowing the time rarely helps at night
• Keep the room dark, and use headphones rather than a speaker
• Expect to be awake for a while without treating that as a problem

Any practice at night works better with the display off. Looking at a screen resets the whole thing.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your eyes soften. Not closed, just less busy.
2. 0:11Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
3. 0:27Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
4. 0:40We'll work through this slowly. If you lose the thread, the thread will wait.
5. 0:54Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
6. 1:07Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
7. 1:20Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
8. 1:32Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
9. 1:45Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
10. 1:57Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
11. 2:09Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
12. 2:21You do not have to solve the stiff neck from hunching in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
13. 2:40Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
14. 2:57Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
15. 3:11You are allowed to be unimpressed by the shoulders up around your ears. Indifference is a legitimate response.
16. 3:27Imagine softening the edges of the stiff neck from hunching. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
17. 3:45Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
18. 3:55Let the quiet do its work.
19. 4:05Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
20. 4:18Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
21. 4:29Take the next breath slowly.
22. 4:38Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
23. 4:52Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
24. 5:03Let the pause stretch out.
25. 5:12Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
26. 5:25Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
27. 5:37Stay here a little longer.
28. 5:46Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
29. 5:59Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
30. 6:12I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
31. 6:25Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
32. 6:36Nothing changes for a moment.
33. 6:45Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
34. 6:56Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
35. 7:08Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
36. 7:21If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
37. 7:35Let your body keep settling.
38. 7:44If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
39. 7:58Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
40. 8:08The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
41. 8:23Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
42. 8:37Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
43. 8:49You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
44. 9:02Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
45. 9:14Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
46. 9:26Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
47. 9:40Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
48. 9:54Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
49. 10:05Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
50. 10:20If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
51. 10:34Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
52. 10:50Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
53. 11:02You have been carrying the weight carried in the upper back for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
54. 11:23You do not have to win against the shoulders up around your ears. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
55. 11:41Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
56. 11:52Whatever the stiff neck from hunching is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
57. 12:07If the weight carried in the upper back shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
58. 12:28Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
59. 12:42Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
60. 12:54Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
61. 13:07If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
62. 13:20Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
63. 13:31Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
64. 13:47A few seconds more.
65. 13:56Take one more breath at your own pace, then let your attention come back to the room.
66. 14:11Let your breathing go back to whatever it does when nobody is watching.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.