Self-compassion meditation for self-criticism (7 min), in a five-minute break

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 7 minutes of self-compassion for self-criticism, in a five-minute break. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

• A running commentary on your mistakes
• Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
• Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this on a break

• Leave the room if you can
• Do not start anything else in the same gap
• Set a timer so the break has an end

A break spent half-engaged with a screen is not much of a break. Guard the whole five minutes.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Notice whether you're leaning forward. Most people are, slightly, all day.
2. 0:12Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
3. 0:27Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
4. 0:40Bring your attention to the parts of you that are already still.
5. 0:53Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
6. 1:06Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
7. 1:17Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
8. 1:29Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
9. 1:40Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
10. 1:52Nothing about the criticism you would never aim at a friend has to be explained or justified in this room.
11. 2:09You do not have to win against the record of your mistakes. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
12. 2:27Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
13. 2:39No need to open your eyes yet.
14. 2:49Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
15. 3:03Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
16. 3:13If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
17. 3:25A short silence. Let it be empty.
18. 3:35The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
19. 3:50If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
20. 4:03Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
21. 4:16Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
22. 4:27Give the harsh voice inside a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
23. 4:44Let the exhale carry a little of the criticism you would never aim at a friend with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
24. 5:05Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
25. 5:18If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
26. 5:31You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
27. 5:43Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
28. 5:55Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
29. 6:09Take one more breath at your own pace, then let your attention come back to the room.
30. 6:24Give your hands a stretch before you go back to using them.
31. 6:37Nothing changes for a moment.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.