Letting go for self-criticism: 20 minutes, in the afternoon slump

About this practice

For the times in the afternoon slump when self-criticism takes up more room than you would like — 20 minutes, letting go. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

• A running commentary on your mistakes
• Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
• Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this in the mid-afternoon

• Sit upright and open a window if you can
• Expect heaviness rather than fighting it
• A short session here beats a longer one that never happens

The dip is a normal circadian low. You are riding it out, not correcting a fault.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Notice the heaviest part of your body right now. Let it be heavy.
2. 0:13Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
3. 0:28Let your attention rest on the out-breath. The in-breath can take care of itself.
4. 0:42Notice your own pulse somewhere. Wrist, throat, wherever you can find it.
5. 0:55Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
6. 1:08Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
7. 1:22Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
8. 1:36Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
9. 1:48Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
10. 2:01Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
11. 2:15Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
12. 2:29If you catch yourself fighting the record of your mistakes, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
13. 2:47If the harsh voice inside shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
14. 3:07Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
15. 3:18If the criticism you would never aim at a friend is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
16. 3:37This is not the last time the record of your mistakes will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
17. 3:56Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
18. 4:07If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
19. 4:19We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
20. 4:34Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
21. 4:45If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
22. 4:58You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
23. 5:13Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
24. 5:25If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
25. 5:38Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
26. 5:54I'll step back. You stay here.
27. 6:04Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
28. 6:16With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
29. 6:31I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
30. 6:44If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
31. 6:58Keep following the air.
32. 7:07Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
33. 7:20Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
34. 7:32A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
35. 7:43If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
36. 7:56Remain here for a few more breaths.
37. 8:06Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
38. 8:20Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
39. 8:33Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
40. 8:45If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
41. 8:58Let the pause stretch out.
42. 9:07Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
43. 9:20Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
44. 9:33Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
45. 9:44Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
46. 9:55No need to open your eyes yet.
47. 10:05If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
48. 10:19I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
49. 10:31Feel the tops of your thighs.
50. 10:41Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
51. 10:56Stay with it.
52. 11:04If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
53. 11:18I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
54. 11:30Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
55. 11:41Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
56. 11:53Let your body keep settling.
57. 12:02If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
58. 12:13Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
59. 12:25Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
60. 12:37Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
61. 12:50Let the quiet do its work.
62. 13:00Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
63. 13:12If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
64. 13:26Just the breath, still.
65. 13:35Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
66. 13:46Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
67. 13:59Take the next breath slowly.
68. 14:08Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
69. 14:18Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
70. 14:30No rush to move on.
71. 14:39Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
72. 14:50Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the harsh voice inside is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
73. 15:09A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
74. 15:20You do not have to like the criticism you would never aim at a friend to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
75. 15:39Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
76. 15:50When the record of your mistakes arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
77. 16:09Nothing about the harsh voice inside has to be explained or justified in this room.
78. 16:23Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
79. 16:34When the criticism you would never aim at a friend presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
80. 16:55If the record of your mistakes starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
81. 17:12Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
82. 17:25If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
83. 17:40If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
84. 17:54You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
85. 18:06A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
86. 18:17Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
87. 18:33Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
88. 18:43Let your eyes open when they're ready, not when the words end.
89. 18:56Take one last look at whatever your attention settled on.
90. 19:08Nothing changes for a moment.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.