Self-criticism: 10-minute letting go meditation, in the air

About this practice

A 10-minute letting go session for self-criticism, in the air. No app, no account — press start. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

A running commentary on your mistakes
Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this on a plane

Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on
Bring a layer — being cold works against settling
Skip alcohol; it makes the alertness worse

Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

0:00Take a moment to notice the room behind you, without turning around.
0:13You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
0:28Bring your attention to the parts of you that are already still.
0:41There's no correct speed. Slower isn't better. Steadier is the only aim.
0:54If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
1:08Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
1:22Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
1:34Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
1:46Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
1:58Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
2:10If you catch yourself fighting the record of your mistakes, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
2:28You have been carrying the harsh voice inside for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
2:48Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
2:59Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
3:15Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
3:26Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
3:38With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
3:53I'll step back. You stay here.
4:03Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
4:15Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
4:31A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
4:42If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
4:55Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
5:07No rush to move on.
5:16Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
5:28Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
5:42Keep following the air.
5:51Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
6:02Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
6:15A few seconds more.
6:24Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
6:36Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
6:49Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
6:59Think of the criticism you would never aim at a friend as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
7:18You do not have to like the record of your mistakes to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
7:35Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
7:51There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
8:09If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
8:23Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
8:34Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
8:45We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
9:00Let the quiet do its work.
9:10Wiggle your fingers and toes, gently, like you're testing that they still work.
9:23Notice the quiet you made, and let it close gently.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it. The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Where and when should I do this one?

Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on. Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

What actually happens during the 10 minutes?

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.