How to use Slow box breathing for a hard conversation, when you cannot concentrate on anything else

How it works

Breathe in for 5, hold for 5, out for 5, hold for 5. Picture tracing the sides of a square. That is the whole exercise. When concentration is gone, work with what is left. Simple things first: contact, weight, temperature.

Why it can help

This is a composure exercise more than a calming one. It gives you something to do while a feeling passes.

The pattern, in seconds

One round is 20 seconds. At the default 5 rounds this practice runs 100 seconds — about 1 minute — plus a breath or two of ordinary breathing between rounds.

Good for

• when you cannot sleep and do not want to get up
• when your thoughts are moving faster than you are
• at your desk, with the screen turned off for a moment

Tips

• If you lose count, start the round again rather than guessing.
• You can do this with your eyes open. Nothing here requires privacy.
• Never push through a hold. Coming out of it early is always the right call.

Please note

If holding your breath makes you dizzy or uncomfortable, skip the holds entirely and breathe slowly and evenly instead. Never push through lightheadedness. If you are pregnant, or manage a heart, blood pressure or lung condition, check with a doctor before doing breath holds.