Self-compassion meditation for self-criticism (15 min), on exam day

About this practice

15 minutes to meet self-criticism with less of a fight. A self-compassion practice, on exam day. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

• A running commentary on your mistakes
• Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
• Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this before an exam

• Do it outside the hall, before you go in
• Do not revise during it — that raises the noise
• Aim to arrive early and steady rather than late and reading

Last-minute revision mostly raises arousal without adding recall. Arriving settled is worth more.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Check your hands. Are they doing anything? Let them stop.
2. 0:12We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
3. 0:26Let your attention settle on the space between your nose and your upper lip, where the air passes.
4. 0:42This is not a performance. Nobody is listening to how well you're doing it.
5. 0:56Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
6. 1:10Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
7. 1:22Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
8. 1:33Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
9. 1:45Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
10. 1:56Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
11. 2:08Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
12. 2:22This is not the last time the criticism you would never aim at a friend will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
13. 2:43You do not have to win against the record of your mistakes. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
14. 3:01Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
15. 3:15the harsh voice inside may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
16. 3:32Imagine softening the edges of the criticism you would never aim at a friend. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
17. 3:51Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
18. 4:03Let the pause stretch out.
19. 4:12Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
20. 4:25Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
21. 4:35No rush to move on.
22. 4:44Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
23. 4:57Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
24. 5:08Stay with it.
25. 5:16Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
26. 5:29Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
27. 5:41Keep following the air.
28. 5:50Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
29. 6:03Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
30. 6:15Remain here for a few more breaths.
31. 6:25Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
32. 6:36Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
33. 6:49Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
34. 6:59Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
35. 7:12Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
36. 7:24If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
37. 7:37If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
38. 7:50Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
39. 8:02Let this be easy, if easy is available.
40. 8:13Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
41. 8:24A short silence. Let it be empty.
42. 8:34Nothing here needs to be efficient.
43. 8:44Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
44. 8:55I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
45. 9:07We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
46. 9:17If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
47. 9:28I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
48. 9:41There's no need to try harder than this.
49. 9:52Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
50. 10:04A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
51. 10:15Small efforts are the whole method.
52. 10:25Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
53. 10:38Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
54. 10:51A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
55. 11:02Think of the record of your mistakes as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
56. 11:20If the harsh voice inside has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
57. 11:37Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
58. 11:51You are allowed to be unimpressed by the criticism you would never aim at a friend. Indifference is a legitimate response.
59. 12:08You do not have to solve the record of your mistakes in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
60. 12:27Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
61. 12:41Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
62. 12:55You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
63. 13:07Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
64. 13:21Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
65. 13:32You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
66. 13:45No need to open your eyes yet.
67. 13:55Let the quiet end on its own rather than cutting it off.
68. 14:08Let the last minute of quiet be the last minute of quiet.
69. 14:21Take the next breath slowly.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.