20-minute guided self-compassion practice for mindfulness — after bad news

About this practice

For the times after bad news when mindfulness takes up more room than you would like — 20 minutes, self-compassion. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: mindfulness

Attention spends most of its time in the past or the future. Being present is not a state you find, it is a return you keep making.

It tends to show up as:

• Missing conversations while composing replies
• Arriving somewhere with no memory of the walk
• Eating without tasting

Every return to the senses is a repetition of the actual skill. Losing it is part of the practice, not a break in it.

Doing this after bad news

• Do not make any decisions during it
• Let it be simple — you do not need to process anything today
• Tell one person where you are, even briefly

The first hours after bad news are not for planning. Deliberately doing nothing useful is the right move.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Feel your ribs move. That is all the machinery you need to pay attention to right now.
2. 0:15Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
3. 0:31There's no correct speed. Slower isn't better. Steadier is the only aim.
4. 0:44Let your attention settle on the space between your nose and your upper lip, where the air passes.
5. 1:00Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
6. 1:13Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
7. 1:24Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
8. 1:36Feel the tops of your thighs.
9. 1:46Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
10. 1:57Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
11. 2:08Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
12. 2:19Notice where the ordinary present tense lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
13. 2:37Each time your mind hands you the present moment you keep leaving, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
14. 2:57Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
15. 3:08This is not the last time the here-and-now your attention skips will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
16. 3:27Imagine the ordinary present tense as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
17. 3:45Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
18. 3:58If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
19. 4:09Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
20. 4:25I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
21. 4:38If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
22. 4:52Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
23. 5:07Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
24. 5:18If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
25. 5:31The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
26. 5:46Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
27. 5:57Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
28. 6:11You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
29. 6:24Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
30. 6:36If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
31. 6:49Stay with it.
32. 6:57Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
33. 7:11Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
34. 7:23Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
35. 7:34Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
36. 7:45Just the breath, still.
37. 7:54Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
38. 8:07Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
39. 8:21Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
40. 8:33If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
41. 8:46Nothing changes for a moment.
42. 8:55Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
43. 9:08Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
44. 9:20I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
45. 9:32If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
46. 9:44Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
47. 9:56Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
48. 10:06If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
49. 10:19No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
50. 10:30Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
51. 10:44Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
52. 10:58Stay here a little longer.
53. 11:07Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
54. 11:20A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
55. 11:31Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
56. 11:45Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
57. 11:58A few seconds more.
58. 12:07If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
59. 12:22I'll step back. You stay here.
60. 12:32Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
61. 12:44Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
62. 12:57Let it be this simple.
63. 13:06Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
64. 13:18Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
65. 13:33No need to open your eyes yet.
66. 13:43Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
67. 13:54Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
68. 14:05Take the next breath slowly.
69. 14:14Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
70. 14:26Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
71. 14:39Let the pause stretch out.
72. 14:48Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
73. 15:01Nothing about the present moment you keep leaving has to be explained or justified in this room.
74. 15:16Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
75. 15:27If the here-and-now your attention skips is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
76. 15:44Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
77. 15:57You do not have to like the ordinary present tense to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
78. 16:13If the present moment you keep leaving starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
79. 16:30Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
80. 16:43If the here-and-now your attention skips has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
81. 17:01When the ordinary present tense arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
82. 17:20Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
83. 17:34If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
84. 17:48You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
85. 18:00Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
86. 18:14Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
87. 18:24Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
88. 18:38Let this one be unhurried.
89. 18:47Let your eyes open when they're ready, not when the words end.
90. 19:00If you're going straight back to work, take ten seconds at the doorway first.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.