Letting go for falling asleep: 20 minutes, in the evening

About this practice

For the times in the evening when falling asleep takes up more room than you would like — 20 minutes, letting go. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: falling asleep

Falling asleep is a passive process. The harder you aim at it, the further it moves, because the effort itself is arousal.

It tends to show up as:

• Watching the clock
• Getting frustrated at being awake
• Sleep only arriving after giving up

Attention on something boring and continuous is the oldest trick there is. That is all a sleep story is doing.

Doing this in the evening

• Dim the lights first — bright light works against the point
• Put the phone in another room
• Keep it slow rather than interesting

Something too engaging will wake you up rather than wind you down.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're sitting, let the chair do the work of holding you upright.
2. 0:13You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
3. 0:28You can think about other things. When you notice, come back. That's the whole practice.
4. 0:42Bring your attention to the parts of you that are already still.
5. 0:55Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
6. 1:11Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
7. 1:24Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
8. 1:36Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
9. 1:46Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
10. 1:58Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
11. 2:10Feel your calves, front and back.
12. 2:20If the surrender at the end of the day has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
13. 2:39Let the exhale carry a little of the slow drift toward sleep with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
14. 2:58Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
15. 3:11If the thoughts that keep the light on is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
16. 3:29Let the surrender at the end of the day be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
17. 3:50Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
18. 4:04If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
19. 4:15With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
20. 4:30Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
21. 4:42If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
22. 4:57Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
23. 5:12Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
24. 5:24Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
25. 5:37Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
26. 5:53Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
27. 6:05If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
28. 6:18Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
29. 6:34Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
30. 6:45Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
31. 6:58Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
32. 7:08Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
33. 7:21Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
34. 7:34I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
35. 7:47If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
36. 8:01Remain here for a few more breaths.
37. 8:11Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
38. 8:24Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
39. 8:37No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
40. 8:48Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
41. 8:59Let the quiet do its work.
42. 9:09Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
43. 9:23Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
44. 9:34I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
45. 9:46Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
46. 9:57Let your body keep settling.
47. 10:06If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
48. 10:19A short silence. Let it be empty.
49. 10:29Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
50. 10:40Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
51. 10:52No need to open your eyes yet.
52. 11:02If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
53. 11:15A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
54. 11:26Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
55. 11:38Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
56. 11:50No rush to move on.
57. 11:59Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
58. 12:12Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
59. 12:23Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
60. 12:33Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
61. 12:47Keep following the air.
62. 12:56Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
63. 13:08Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
64. 13:21Let this one be unhurried.
65. 13:30Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
66. 13:42Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
67. 13:56Let the pause stretch out.
68. 14:05Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
69. 14:16Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
70. 14:31Stay here a little longer.
71. 14:40Feel the tops of your thighs.
72. 14:50Give the slow drift toward sleep a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
73. 15:08A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
74. 15:19You do not have to solve the thoughts that keep the light on in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
75. 15:39Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
76. 15:50Imagine softening the edges of the surrender at the end of the day. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
77. 16:09You do not have to win against the slow drift toward sleep. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
78. 16:27Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
79. 16:40the thoughts that keep the light on may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
80. 16:59Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the surrender at the end of the day is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
81. 17:19Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
82. 17:32If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
83. 17:46Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
84. 18:00Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
85. 18:14I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
86. 18:26We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
87. 18:41Just the breath, still.
88. 18:50Take your time opening your eyes. Nothing is waiting urgently.
89. 19:02Come back to the room through your senses, one at a time.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.