Falling asleep: 15-minute softening meditation, when you are at your limit

About this practice

For the times when you are at your limit when falling asleep takes up more room than you would like — 15 minutes, softening. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: falling asleep

Falling asleep is a passive process. The harder you aim at it, the further it moves, because the effort itself is arousal.

It tends to show up as:

• Watching the clock
• Getting frustrated at being awake
• Sleep only arriving after giving up

Attention on something boring and continuous is the oldest trick there is. That is all a sleep story is doing.

Doing this when you are overwhelmed

• Do not decide priorities during it
• Pick the shortest session available here
• When you finish, write down the first physical action on paper

The pile looks less like a pile once the alarm stops ringing. Sort it after, not during.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Nothing needs to be decided in the next few minutes. Park the decisions.
2. 0:13We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
3. 0:27Let your sense of the room shrink down to just your body and the surface you're on.
4. 0:42Let your body be exactly as tired as it is.
5. 0:54Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
6. 1:07Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
7. 1:21Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
8. 1:32Feel your upper back against whatever is behind it.
9. 1:43Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
10. 1:55Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
11. 2:06Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
12. 2:17You do not have to solve the slow drift toward sleep in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
13. 2:36Feel the weight of the thoughts that keep the light on somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
14. 2:54Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
15. 3:05the surrender at the end of the day may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
16. 3:24Notice the space around the slow drift toward sleep. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
17. 3:42Feel the tops of your thighs.
18. 3:52No need to open your eyes yet.
19. 4:02Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
20. 4:15Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
21. 4:27Let it be this simple.
22. 4:36Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
23. 4:49Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
24. 5:01Nothing changes for a moment.
25. 5:10Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
26. 5:26Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
27. 5:39Just the breath, still.
28. 5:48Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
29. 6:02Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
30. 6:14I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
31. 6:27Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
32. 6:38Remain here for a few more breaths.
33. 6:48Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
34. 7:01Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
35. 7:12Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
36. 7:24Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
37. 7:37Stay here a little longer.
38. 7:46Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
39. 7:57A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
40. 8:08Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
41. 8:21Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
42. 8:35Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
43. 8:47If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
44. 9:02Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
45. 9:13Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
46. 9:23Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
47. 9:37Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
48. 9:50A short silence. Let it be empty.
49. 10:00With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
50. 10:15If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
51. 10:30Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
52. 10:43A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
53. 10:54Give the thoughts that keep the light on a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
54. 11:13Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the surrender at the end of the day is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
55. 11:33Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
56. 11:44This is not the last time the slow drift toward sleep will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
57. 12:03When the thoughts that keep the light on presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
58. 12:23Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
59. 12:36If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
60. 12:50Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
61. 13:03If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
62. 13:16Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
63. 13:27Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
64. 13:41No rush to move on.
65. 13:50Take one last look at whatever your attention settled on.
66. 14:02Come back to the room through your senses, one at a time.
67. 14:15Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.