The inner critic: 10-minute self-compassion meditation, after a horrible day

About this practice

10 minutes to meet the inner critic with less of a fight. A self-compassion practice, after a horrible day. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this after a bad day

• Do not review the day during it — that is what tomorrow is for
• Something physical first, then this
• Keep it short and end it deliberately

A bad day does not need a verdict. Closing it without a post-mortem is allowed.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let the first out-breath be longer than the in-breath. Nothing dramatic, just longer.
2. 0:13Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
3. 0:27Feel the small movements your body makes to keep you upright. They're happening without you.
4. 0:41Let your body be exactly as tired as it is.
5. 0:53Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
6. 1:07Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
7. 1:20Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
8. 1:34Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
9. 1:46Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
10. 1:58Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
11. 2:11This is not the last time the voice that grades everything will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
12. 2:30Each time your mind hands you the judge in your head, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
13. 2:49If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
14. 3:03Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
15. 3:19I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
16. 3:31Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
17. 3:44Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
18. 4:00I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
19. 4:12If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
20. 4:25The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
21. 4:40Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
22. 4:51Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
23. 5:05No rush to move on.
24. 5:14Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
25. 5:24Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
26. 5:37Stay with it.
27. 5:45Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
28. 5:57Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
29. 6:08Stay here a little longer.
30. 6:17Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
31. 6:28Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
32. 6:41A short silence. Let it be empty.
33. 6:51There is no correct amount of the running commentary on your flaws to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
34. 7:10Feel the weight of the voice that grades everything somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
35. 7:27Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
36. 7:41There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
37. 7:59If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
38. 8:13Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
39. 8:24Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
40. 8:35Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
41. 8:50Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
42. 9:00When you stand up, do it slowly. There's no reason to hurry.
43. 9:13Take one breath that's a little fuller than the others, and let it out through your mouth.
44. 9:28Keep following the air.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.