Tension headaches: 20-minute self-compassion meditation, at 3pm

About this practice

When tension headaches shows up at 3pm, this 20-minute self-compassion session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: tension headaches

Tension headaches follow a band of tightness across the forehead and around the skull, usually the product of long staring, jaw clenching and neck position.

It tends to show up as:

• A band of pressure across the forehead
• Pressure behind the eyes
• Ache worsening through the day

Softening the jaw, eyes and neck interrupts the pattern early. Once a tension headache settles in it is harder to shift.

Doing this in the mid-afternoon

• Sit upright and open a window if you can
• Expect heaviness rather than fighting it
• A short session here beats a longer one that never happens

The dip is a normal circadian low. You are riding it out, not correcting a fault.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Quick check: is anything genuinely urgent in this exact minute? Usually the answer is no.
2. 0:14We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
3. 0:24If your mind is loud, that's information, not failure.
4. 0:35We'll start broad and narrow down. Nothing sudden is coming.
5. 0:47Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
6. 1:00Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
7. 1:14Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
8. 1:27Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
9. 1:39Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
10. 1:51Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
11. 2:04Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
12. 2:17Notice how the band around the forehead changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
13. 2:34You are allowed to be unimpressed by the pressure building behind the eyes. Indifference is a legitimate response.
14. 2:50Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
15. 3:01the ache from a long staring day may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
16. 3:20Nothing about the band around the forehead has to be explained or justified in this room.
17. 3:35Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
18. 3:46If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
19. 3:59You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
20. 4:12I'll step back. You stay here.
21. 4:22Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
22. 4:36If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
23. 4:49A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
24. 5:00If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
25. 5:14Nothing here needs to be efficient.
26. 5:24I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
27. 5:36Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
28. 5:47Let this be easy, if easy is available.
29. 5:58I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
30. 6:10Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
31. 6:23There's no need to try harder than this.
32. 6:34Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
33. 6:44If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
34. 6:58We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
35. 7:12Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
36. 7:23You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
37. 7:35Let your body keep settling.
38. 7:44Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
39. 7:57Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
40. 8:09Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
41. 8:20Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
42. 8:34Let this one be unhurried.
43. 8:43Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
44. 8:55Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
45. 9:07A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
46. 9:18Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
47. 9:30Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
48. 9:43Keep following the air.
49. 9:52If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
50. 10:05Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
51. 10:17Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
52. 10:29Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
53. 10:42Let the quiet do its work.
54. 10:52If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
55. 11:06I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
56. 11:19Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
57. 11:29Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
58. 11:42Stay with it.
59. 11:50Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
60. 12:02Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
61. 12:15Let the pause stretch out.
62. 12:24Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
63. 12:36Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
64. 12:47Let it be this simple.
65. 12:56Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
66. 13:08Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
67. 13:21A few seconds more.
68. 13:30Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
69. 13:44Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
70. 13:57Stay here a little longer.
71. 14:06Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
72. 14:17Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
73. 14:30No need to open your eyes yet.
74. 14:40Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
75. 14:52Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
76. 15:09Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
77. 15:20Notice the space around the ache from a long staring day. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
78. 15:39Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
79. 15:53Imagine the band around the forehead as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
80. 16:11Feel the weight of the pressure building behind the eyes somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
81. 16:28Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
82. 16:41You do not have to win against the ache from a long staring day. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
83. 17:00Think of the band around the forehead as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
84. 17:18Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
85. 17:34If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
86. 17:49If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
87. 18:03Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
88. 18:15Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
89. 18:27Small efforts are the whole method.
90. 18:37Remain here for a few more breaths.
91. 18:47If you're going straight back to work, take ten seconds at the doorway first.
92. 19:01Before you move, notice one thing that's fine right now.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.