Letting go meditation for tension headaches (3 min), before a difficult talk

About this practice

3 minutes to meet tension headaches with less of a fight. A letting go practice, before a difficult talk. A guided session of about 3 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: tension headaches

Tension headaches follow a band of tightness across the forehead and around the skull, usually the product of long staring, jaw clenching and neck position.

It tends to show up as:

• A band of pressure across the forehead
• Pressure behind the eyes
• Ache worsening through the day

Softening the jaw, eyes and neck interrupts the pattern early. Once a tension headache settles in it is harder to shift.

Doing this before a hard conversation

• Do it before, not during, and again after if it went badly
• Decide your one non-negotiable sentence beforehand
• Plan to let the other person speak first

Being settled makes it easier to listen rather than to defend. That is usually what the conversation needs.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Loosen your grip on whatever you're holding, or imagine loosening it.
2. 0:12Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
3. 0:28There's a difference between relaxing and stopping. We're aiming for the second one, gently.
4. 0:42Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
5. 0:55Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
6. 1:08Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
7. 1:20You do not have to like the pressure building behind the eyes to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
8. 1:37If the ache from a long staring day starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
9. 1:55Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
10. 2:08Notice where the band around the forehead lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
11. 2:26Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
12. 2:38You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
13. 2:53Give your hands a stretch before you go back to using them.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.