Meditation for tension headaches: 20-minute self-compassion session, before you talk

About this practice

20 minutes to meet tension headaches with less of a fight. A self-compassion practice, before you talk. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: tension headaches

Tension headaches follow a band of tightness across the forehead and around the skull, usually the product of long staring, jaw clenching and neck position.

It tends to show up as:

• A band of pressure across the forehead
• Pressure behind the eyes
• Ache worsening through the day

Softening the jaw, eyes and neck interrupts the pattern early. Once a tension headache settles in it is harder to shift.

Doing this before public speaking

• Do it somewhere private, or in the washroom if needed
• Slow the exhale deliberately and check your speaking pace after
• Warm the voice by reading a line aloud, not by staying silent

Rushing is the tell of nerves. A slower breath now is what sets a slower pace in the room.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Drop your attention from your head into your chest for a second.
2. 0:13You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
3. 0:26Notice your own pulse somewhere. Wrist, throat, wherever you can find it.
4. 0:39Feel the small movements your body makes to keep you upright. They're happening without you.
5. 0:53Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
6. 1:06Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
7. 1:17Notice your breathing, without changing it.
8. 1:27Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
9. 1:39Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
10. 1:52Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
11. 2:04Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
12. 2:16You do not have to solve the band around the forehead in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
13. 2:35Whatever the pressure building behind the eyes is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
14. 2:51Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
15. 3:06If the ache from a long staring day starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
16. 3:24Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
17. 3:41Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
18. 3:54Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
19. 4:07The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
20. 4:22Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
21. 4:33If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
22. 4:46Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
23. 5:01A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
24. 5:12Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
25. 5:24Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
26. 5:40Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
27. 5:50Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
28. 6:02Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
29. 6:18I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
30. 6:31If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
31. 6:45No rush to move on.
32. 6:54Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
33. 7:08Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
34. 7:20Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
35. 7:32You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
36. 7:44Let this one be unhurried.
37. 7:53Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
38. 8:06Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
39. 8:20Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
40. 8:32If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
41. 8:45No need to open your eyes yet.
42. 8:55Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
43. 9:11Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
44. 9:23A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
45. 9:34Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
46. 9:47Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
47. 10:02Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
48. 10:12Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
49. 10:23No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
50. 10:34Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
51. 10:47Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
52. 11:01Keep following the air.
53. 11:10If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
54. 11:25Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
55. 11:36Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
56. 11:48Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
57. 12:01Let it be this simple.
58. 12:10If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
59. 12:25A short silence. Let it be empty.
60. 12:35Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
61. 12:47Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
62. 12:59Let the pause stretch out.
63. 13:08Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
64. 13:20Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
65. 13:31Nothing changes for a moment.
66. 13:40Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
67. 13:52If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
68. 14:06Just the breath, still.
69. 14:15Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
70. 14:27Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
71. 14:40Remain here for a few more breaths.
72. 14:50Feel your upper back against whatever is behind it.
73. 15:01Each time your mind hands you the pressure building behind the eyes, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
74. 15:21Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
75. 15:32Imagine softening the edges of the ache from a long staring day. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
76. 15:51Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
77. 16:03Let the exhale carry a little of the band around the forehead with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
78. 16:22If the pressure building behind the eyes shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
79. 16:43Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
80. 16:56Nothing about the ache from a long staring day has to be explained or justified in this room.
81. 17:12If the band around the forehead is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
82. 17:29Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
83. 17:42If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
84. 17:53Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
85. 18:06If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
86. 18:19Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
87. 18:31Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
88. 18:45Stay here a little longer.
89. 18:54Notice the quiet you made, and let it close gently.
90. 19:06Stretch whatever feels stiff, then carry on.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.