Softening meditation for the inner critic (12 min), early on

About this practice

When the inner critic shows up early on, this 12-minute softening session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this in the morning

• Do it before checking your phone — the first minutes set the tone for the rest
• Sitting up is better than lying down, or you will drift back to sleep
• Light on your face helps more than any practice

Mornings can become a performance of productive habits. This one does not need to be done well.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're sitting, let the chair do the work of holding you upright.
2. 0:13Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
3. 0:26Let the breath get a little quieter, as if you were trying not to wake someone sleeping nearby.
4. 0:42We'll be quiet for a bit longer than usual. Stay with whatever shows up.
5. 0:56Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
6. 1:08Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
7. 1:19Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
8. 1:31Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
9. 1:43Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
10. 1:55Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
11. 2:07Let the judge in your head be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
12. 2:27Whatever the running commentary on your flaws is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
13. 2:43Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
14. 2:57If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
15. 3:10We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
16. 3:24I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
17. 3:36If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
18. 3:49With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
19. 4:04A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
20. 4:15Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
21. 4:28If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
22. 4:43Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
23. 4:54If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
24. 5:08Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
25. 5:22A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
26. 5:33If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
27. 5:46Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
28. 5:59Just the breath, still.
29. 6:08Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
30. 6:20Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
31. 6:32Let this one be unhurried.
32. 6:41Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
33. 6:55Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
34. 7:09Take the next breath slowly.
35. 7:18Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
36. 7:30Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
37. 7:46No rush to move on.
38. 7:55Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
39. 8:09Notice how the voice that grades everything changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
40. 8:26Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
41. 8:37There is no correct amount of the judge in your head to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
42. 8:55Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
43. 9:09You have been carrying the running commentary on your flaws for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
44. 9:30Think of the voice that grades everything as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
45. 9:48Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
46. 10:01Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
47. 10:13Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
48. 10:24I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
49. 10:36Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
50. 10:50Let the quiet do its work.
51. 11:00If you drifted off, that was rest, and rest counts.
52. 11:12Stand up when you're ready. The list hasn't grown while you were here.
53. 11:25Keep following the air.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.