Softening for mindfulness: 3 minutes, before an appointment

About this practice

For the times before an appointment when mindfulness takes up more room than you would like — 3 minutes, softening. A guided session of about 3 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: mindfulness

Attention spends most of its time in the past or the future. Being present is not a state you find, it is a return you keep making.

It tends to show up as:

• Missing conversations while composing replies
• Arriving somewhere with no memory of the walk
• Eating without tasting

Every return to the senses is a repetition of the actual skill. Losing it is part of the practice, not a break in it.

Doing this in a waiting room

• You can do this with your eyes open and your hands where they are
• Nothing here needs to look like a meditation
• Aim for steadiness rather than calm

Waiting feeds the dread it is meant to relieve. Having something specific to do with the time is the useful part.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Then find the nearest sound. It's probably your own breathing.
2. 0:12Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
3. 0:26Settle into the fact that for the next few minutes, nothing is required of you.
4. 0:40Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
5. 0:53Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
6. 1:06Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
7. 1:18Each time your mind hands you the ordinary present tense, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
8. 1:37If the present moment you keep leaving is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
9. 1:55Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
10. 2:10Let the exhale carry a little of the here-and-now your attention skips with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
11. 2:29If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
12. 2:42With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
13. 2:57Take your time opening your eyes. Nothing is waiting urgently.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.