10-minute softening meditation for frustration, in a waiting room

About this practice

For the times in a waiting room when frustration takes up more room than you would like — 10 minutes, softening. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: frustration

Frustration is blocked progress, repeated. Each small obstruction adds to a background irritation that eventually has nothing to do with the original cause.

It tends to show up as:

• Sighing more than usual
• Everything feeling slightly too slow
• A short fuse over minor things

Releasing some physical tension interrupts the accumulation. Frustration is often held in the jaw and hands more than it is thought about.

Doing this in a waiting room

• You can do this with your eyes open and your hands where they are
• Nothing here needs to look like a meditation
• Aim for steadiness rather than calm

Waiting feeds the dread it is meant to relieve. Having something specific to do with the time is the useful part.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're lying down, let the mattress hold all of you. You can stop holding yourself up.
2. 0:15We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
3. 0:29Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
4. 0:42We're going to move through the body in order, roughly from top to bottom.
5. 0:56Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
6. 1:07Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
7. 1:20Feel your calves, front and back.
8. 1:30Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
9. 1:43Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
10. 1:57Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
11. 2:09Notice how the jaw tight with frustration changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
12. 2:26There is no correct amount of the annoyance that will not settle to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
13. 2:45Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
14. 2:56Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
15. 3:10A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
16. 3:21Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
17. 3:33Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
18. 3:47A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
19. 3:58If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
20. 4:13Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
21. 4:26Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
22. 4:37If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
23. 4:51Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
24. 5:05No rush to move on.
25. 5:14Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
26. 5:26Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
27. 5:39Let your body keep settling.
28. 5:48Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
29. 6:00Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
30. 6:11Stay with it.
31. 6:19Notice your breathing, without changing it.
32. 6:29Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
33. 6:42I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
34. 6:55If the repeated small irritations starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
35. 7:11Notice where the jaw tight with frustration lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
36. 7:29Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
37. 7:42Imagine softening the edges of the annoyance that will not settle. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
38. 8:00If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
39. 8:14Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
40. 8:27Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
41. 8:38If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
42. 8:53Let the pause stretch out.
43. 9:02Let your eyes open when they're ready, not when the words end.
44. 9:15Before you open your eyes, notice how you feel compared to the start. It might be small.
45. 9:30A few seconds more.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.