Self-compassion for anxiety: 12 minutes, in the late afternoon

About this practice

For the times in the late afternoon when anxiety takes up more room than you would like — 12 minutes, self-compassion. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anxiety

Anxiety is your nervous system treating a thought as a threat. Adrenaline and cortisol rise, the heart speeds up, and the body prepares to act on a danger that is mostly in the future.

It tends to show up as:

• A tight chest or a knot in the stomach
• Feeling keyed up but unable to say why
• Checking things more than once

Slow exhaling directly signals safety to the vagus nerve, which is why breathing is the fastest route down from a spike.

Doing this after a long day

• Something physical first — shoes off, hands washed, water drunk
• Do not review the day during it
• Keep it short rather than thorough

Replaying the day in the practice just carries the day further into the evening.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let the first out-breath be longer than the in-breath. Nothing dramatic, just longer.
2. 0:13The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
3. 0:28Let your attention settle on the space between your nose and your upper lip, where the air passes.
4. 0:44We'll be quiet for a bit longer than usual. Stay with whatever shows up.
5. 0:58Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
6. 1:10Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
7. 1:24Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
8. 1:34Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
9. 1:47Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
10. 2:00Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
11. 2:11Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
12. 2:28Give the alarm in your body a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
13. 2:46Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
14. 2:59Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
15. 3:10Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
16. 3:25No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
17. 3:36If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
18. 3:50Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
19. 4:06Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
20. 4:18If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
21. 4:32Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
22. 4:48Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
23. 4:58Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
24. 5:09You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
25. 5:22I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
26. 5:34Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
27. 5:46Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
28. 5:58Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
29. 6:09Nothing changes for a moment.
30. 6:18Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
31. 6:30Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
32. 6:43Let it be this simple.
33. 6:52Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
34. 7:05Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
35. 7:18Remain here for a few more breaths.
36. 7:28Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
37. 7:42Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
38. 7:56Stay here a little longer.
39. 8:05Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
40. 8:19You do not have to like the restless edge of worry to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
41. 8:36I'll step back. You stay here.
42. 8:46If that tight feeling that something is wrong is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
43. 9:04Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
44. 9:15Whatever the hum of anxiety is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
45. 9:30You are allowed to be unimpressed by the alarm in your body. Indifference is a legitimate response.
46. 9:45Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
47. 9:56Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
48. 10:10Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
49. 10:21Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
50. 10:33Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
51. 10:47A few seconds more.
52. 10:56Take one breath that's a little fuller than the others, and let it out through your mouth.
53. 11:11Notice whether you feel any different. If not, that's also normal.
54. 11:23No need to open your eyes yet.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.