Softening for contentment: 12 minutes, on the way in

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for contentment. A softening session you can do on the way in. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: contentment

Contentment is the absence of the next want, not the presence of everything. It lasts only as long as the wanting pauses.

It tends to show up as:

• Arriving without enjoying the arrival
• Immediately wanting the next thing
• Rest feeling unearned

Not wanting more for a few minutes is a trainable state, and it is available without acquiring anything.

Doing this on your commute

• Headphones on, eyes open or closed depending on your comfort
• Keep one part of your attention on your stop
• Do it standing if sitting is not possible — nobody is watching

Commuting time is already dead time. Nothing is being given up.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let the floor take your weight through your feet, and stop holding yourself up for a second.
2. 0:15If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
3. 0:30For the next few minutes, the only job is to notice what's already happening.
4. 0:44This is not a performance. Nobody is listening to how well you're doing it.
5. 0:58Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
6. 1:11Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
7. 1:23Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
8. 1:33Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
9. 1:44Feel the tops of your thighs.
10. 1:54Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
11. 2:07You do not have to like the calm of not wanting more this minute to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
12. 2:25Feel the weight of the settled feeling after striving somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
13. 2:42Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
14. 2:55You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
15. 3:07We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
16. 3:21Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
17. 3:32Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
18. 3:44Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
19. 3:58Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
20. 4:10Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
21. 4:22Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
22. 4:35I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
23. 4:48Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
24. 5:00With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
25. 5:15A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
26. 5:26If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
27. 5:37Nothing changes for a moment.
28. 5:46Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
29. 5:58Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
30. 6:11A few seconds more.
31. 6:20Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
32. 6:31Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
33. 6:45Let this one be unhurried.
34. 6:54Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
35. 7:06Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
36. 7:18Just the breath, still.
37. 7:27Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
38. 7:37Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
39. 7:49Remain here for a few more breaths.
40. 7:59Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
41. 8:10Nothing about the enough-ness of right now has to be explained or justified in this room.
42. 8:25Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
43. 8:36If the calm of not wanting more this minute starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
44. 8:54Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
45. 9:07If the settled feeling after striving shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
46. 9:27When the enough-ness of right now arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
47. 9:46Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
48. 9:57If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
49. 10:11If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
50. 10:26I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
51. 10:38Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
52. 10:52Let the quiet do its work.
53. 11:02When you're ready, look around properly.
54. 11:12Notice the room again: the sounds, the temperature, the light.
55. 11:24Let the pause stretch out.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.