10-minute softening meditation for heartbreak, in the afternoon slump

About this practice

For the times in the afternoon slump when heartbreak takes up more room than you would like — 10 minutes, softening. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: heartbreak

A breakup activates the same attachment system as physical separation. That is why it hurts in the chest and why the missing comes in surges.

It tends to show up as:

• Physical ache in the chest or throat
• Checking for messages you do not want
• Extreme tiredness in the first weeks

The surges pass. Having something steady to return to between them makes the first weeks less brutal.

Doing this in the mid-afternoon

• Sit upright and open a window if you can
• Expect heaviness rather than fighting it
• A short session here beats a longer one that never happens

The dip is a normal circadian low. You are riding it out, not correcting a fault.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Feel your ribs move. That is all the machinery you need to pay attention to right now.
2. 0:15There's no need to try harder than this.
3. 0:26Let the breath get a little quieter, as if you were trying not to wake someone sleeping nearby.
4. 0:42For the next few minutes, the only job is to notice what's already happening.
5. 0:56Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
6. 1:07Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
7. 1:21Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
8. 1:34Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
9. 1:46Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
10. 1:58Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
11. 2:11Think of the missing of someone as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
12. 2:28Picture the raw first weeks of a breakup as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
13. 2:47Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
14. 2:59You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
15. 3:12Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
16. 3:24If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
17. 3:37If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
18. 3:50Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
19. 4:01Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
20. 4:14We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
21. 4:24I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
22. 4:37If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
23. 4:50Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
24. 5:06A few seconds more.
25. 5:15Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
26. 5:28Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
27. 5:41Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
28. 5:51Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
29. 6:03If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
30. 6:17Keep following the air.
31. 6:26Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
32. 6:38Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
33. 6:51A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
34. 7:02If the bruise where a relationship used to be starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
35. 7:20You do not have to win against the missing of someone. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
36. 7:37Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
37. 7:50Nothing about the raw first weeks of a breakup has to be explained or justified in this room.
38. 8:06If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
39. 8:20If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
40. 8:34A short silence. Let it be empty.
41. 8:44Small efforts are the whole method.
42. 8:54Let the quiet do its work.
43. 9:04Before you open your eyes, notice how you feel compared to the start. It might be small.
44. 9:19Notice the room again: the sounds, the temperature, the light.
45. 9:31No rush to move on.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.