Self-compassion for self-criticism: 3 minutes, in the queue

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 3 minutes of self-compassion for self-criticism, in the queue. A guided session of about 3 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

• A running commentary on your mistakes
• Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
• Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this in a waiting room

• You can do this with your eyes open and your hands where they are
• Nothing here needs to look like a meditation
• Aim for steadiness rather than calm

Waiting feeds the dread it is meant to relieve. Having something specific to do with the time is the useful part.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Take one breath that is slightly slower than the last one. That is enough to start.
2. 0:15Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
3. 0:31There's no correct speed. Slower isn't better. Steadier is the only aim.
4. 0:44Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
5. 0:58Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
6. 1:11Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
7. 1:24You are allowed to be unimpressed by the record of your mistakes. Indifference is a legitimate response.
8. 1:39When the harsh voice inside arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
9. 1:58Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
10. 2:09Each time your mind hands you the criticism you would never aim at a friend, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
11. 2:30If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
12. 2:44Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
13. 3:00If you drifted off, that was rest, and rest counts.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.