Self-compassion for self-criticism: 20 minutes, on a slow Sunday

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for self-criticism. A self-compassion session you can do on a slow Sunday. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

A running commentary on your mistakes
Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this on a rest day

Do it without a reason or a target
Later in the day, unhurried, in good light
Let it be longer than usual if you want

Rest that has to be justified is not really rest. This one is allowed to be pointless.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
Ask what you need, not what you deserve
A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

0:00Let the first out-breath be longer than the in-breath. Nothing dramatic, just longer.
0:13Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
0:27You can think about other things. When you notice, come back. That's the whole practice.
0:41Let your breathing find its own pace. We're only going to watch it.
0:54Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
1:10Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
1:24Feel the parts of you that have gone quiet.
1:35Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
1:46Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
1:58Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
2:10Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
2:22Let the exhale carry a little of the criticism you would never aim at a friend with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
2:43Notice how the record of your mistakes changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
3:00Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
3:13Imagine softening the edges of the harsh voice inside. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
3:30Remind yourself, slowly: I am safe in this moment, even while the criticism you would never aim at a friend is here. Safety and difficulty can share a room.
3:51Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
4:05If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
4:17You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
4:30No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
4:41If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
4:52Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
5:08Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
5:19If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
5:33Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
5:49Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
6:01Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
6:13Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
6:28Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
6:39Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
6:51Take the next breath slowly.
7:00Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
7:13Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
7:25Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
7:35If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
7:48No need to open your eyes yet.
7:58Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
8:12Feel the tops of your thighs.
8:22Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
8:33If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
8:46Just the breath, still.
8:55Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
9:06Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
9:17A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
9:28Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
9:40Stay here a little longer.
9:49Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
10:00Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
10:12Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
10:25Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
10:38Keep following the air.
10:47If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
11:01A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
11:12Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
11:24Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
11:35Stay with it.
11:43If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
11:56I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
12:08Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
12:20If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
12:34Let your body keep settling.
12:43Notice your breathing, without changing it.
12:53Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
13:06Let the quiet do its work.
13:16Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
13:30Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
13:41Let it be this simple.
13:50Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
14:04Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
14:15Nothing changes for a moment.
14:24Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
14:36Let the record of your mistakes be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
14:56I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
15:09There is no correct amount of the harsh voice inside to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
15:27Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
15:40You have been carrying the criticism you would never aim at a friend for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
16:02When the record of your mistakes arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
16:21Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
16:34You do not have to win against the harsh voice inside. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
16:51You are allowed to be unimpressed by the criticism you would never aim at a friend. Indifference is a legitimate response.
17:08Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
17:23If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
17:36If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
17:50Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
18:04A short silence. Let it be empty.
18:14The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
18:29Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
18:39Notice your feet on the floor. That's where you start from.
18:51Let the pace of the last few minutes set the pace of the next few.
19:05A few seconds more.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it. The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Where and when should I do this one?

Do it without a reason or a target. Rest that has to be justified is not really rest. This one is allowed to be pointless.

What actually happens during the 20 minutes?

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.