Self-compassion for public speaking fear: 15

About this practice

15 minutes to meet public speaking fear with less of a fight. A self-compassion practice, at the airport. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: public speaking fear

Speaking to a group triggers the same response as physical threat: shallow breathing, a dry mouth, and a voice that rises and speeds up.

It tends to show up as:

Voice wobbling on the first sentence
Speaking too fast to get it over with
Shallow breathing high in the chest

Lengthening the exhale slows speech and steadies the voice. Physically, this is a breath practice before it is a confidence practice.

Doing this on a plane

Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on
Bring a layer — being cold works against settling
Skip alcohol; it makes the alertness worse

Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
Ask what you need, not what you deserve
A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

0:00Let your eyes soften. Not closed, just less busy.
0:11Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
0:27Bring your attention to where your body meets the surface underneath you.
0:40Notice your own pulse somewhere. Wrist, throat, wherever you can find it.
0:53Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
1:06Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
1:19Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
1:31Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
1:42Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
1:52Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
2:04Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
2:16If the wobble in your voice has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
2:34Notice where the room full of faces lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
2:52Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
3:05When the urge to rush off the stage presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
3:25Feel the weight of the wobble in your voice somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
3:42Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
3:54Stay here a little longer.
4:03Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
4:16Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
4:26No rush to move on.
4:35Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
4:46Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
4:58Keep following the air.
5:07Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
5:20Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
5:32Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
5:42Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
5:53Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
6:06Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
6:17Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
6:30Remain here for a few more breaths.
6:40Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
6:54If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
7:08I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
7:21Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
7:33Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
7:45Let it be this simple.
7:54You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
8:06I'll step back. You stay here.
8:16You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
8:29If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
8:42Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
8:53The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
9:08If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
9:23A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
9:34Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
9:49Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
10:03Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
10:13Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
10:29If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
10:43Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
10:58A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
11:09You are allowed to be unimpressed by the room full of faces. Indifference is a legitimate response.
11:24Notice the space around the urge to rush off the stage. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
11:43Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
11:54If the wobble in your voice is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
12:11Let the exhale carry a little of the room full of faces with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
12:30Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
12:42If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
12:55Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
13:06If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
13:19Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
13:31Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
13:45Let your body keep settling.
13:54Roll your neck once, slowly, in whichever direction feels good.
14:06Notice your feet on the floor. That's where you start from.
14:18No need to open your eyes yet.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

Speaking to a group triggers the same response as physical threat: shallow breathing, a dry mouth, and a voice that rises and speeds up. Lengthening the exhale slows speech and steadies the voice. Physically, this is a breath practice before it is a confidence practice.

Where and when should I do this one?

Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on. Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

What actually happens during the 15 minutes?

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.