Self-compassion for irritability: 7 minutes, beside your desk

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 7 minutes of self-compassion for irritability, beside your desk. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: irritability

Irritability is usually a depleted state, not a personality trait. When reserves are low, ordinary friction feels like an attack.

It tends to show up as:

• Snapping over small things
• Wanting to be left alone
• Noise feeling physically louder

This is a low-reserve state, so anything effortful will make it worse. Short and gentle is the correct dose.

Doing this at your desk

• Feet flat, back supported, screen away from your eyeline
• You can do this with your eyes open if the office makes closing them awkward
• Unclench the jaw and drop the shoulders first, before anything else

Nobody needs to know you are doing it. Keep it invisible if that makes it possible.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Put a hand on your chest for a moment if that feels steadying. Or don't. Both are allowed.
2. 0:16Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
3. 0:30Nothing here is a test of concentration. Drifting off is part of it.
4. 0:43You can think about other things. When you notice, come back. That's the whole practice.
5. 0:57Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
6. 1:09Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
7. 1:22Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
8. 1:34Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
9. 1:45Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
10. 1:58If the short fuse after a long day has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
11. 2:17Each time your mind hands you the snap that comes from nowhere, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
12. 2:37Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
13. 2:49Keep following the air.
14. 2:58Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
15. 3:13If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
16. 3:27A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
17. 3:38You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
18. 3:51If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
19. 4:04Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
20. 4:17No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
21. 4:28Give the low grumble of being easily annoyed a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
22. 4:47Picture the short fuse after a long day as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
23. 5:06Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
24. 5:22Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
25. 5:34Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
26. 5:45Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
27. 5:56Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
28. 6:11Start to notice the edges of your body again, and the surface you're on.
29. 6:25Let the quiet end on its own rather than cutting it off.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.