Grief: 20-minute letting go meditation, in the office

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 20 minutes of letting go for grief, in the office. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: grief

Grief is not a mood that lifts on a schedule. It arrives in waves, often triggered by nothing, and it changes shape over months rather than days.

It tends to show up as:

• Waves arriving without warning
• Exhaustion that rest does not touch
• Difficulty concentrating on ordinary things

This is not a practice for fixing grief. It is a place to sit while it moves through, so you are not alone with it in the middle of the day.

Doing this at your desk

• Feet flat, back supported, screen away from your eyeline
• You can do this with your eyes open if the office makes closing them awkward
• Unclench the jaw and drop the shoulders first, before anything else

Nobody needs to know you are doing it. Keep it invisible if that makes it possible.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Loosen your grip on whatever you're holding, or imagine loosening it.
2. 0:12We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
3. 0:27You can think about other things. When you notice, come back. That's the whole practice.
4. 0:41There's a difference between relaxing and stopping. We're aiming for the second one, gently.
5. 0:55Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
6. 1:08Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
7. 1:21Feel the tops of your thighs.
8. 1:31Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
9. 1:43Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
10. 1:56Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
11. 2:10Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
12. 2:22Think of the ache that has no schedule as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
13. 2:40the heaviness where someone used to be may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
14. 2:59Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
15. 3:12Each time your mind hands you the wave that arrives without warning, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
16. 3:32If you catch yourself fighting the ache that has no schedule, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
17. 3:50Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
18. 4:04Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
19. 4:15Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
20. 4:31Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
21. 4:42If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
22. 4:55You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
23. 5:10Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
24. 5:22Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
25. 5:36Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
26. 5:51Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
27. 6:03If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
28. 6:17With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
29. 6:32A short silence. Let it be empty.
30. 6:42If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
31. 6:56Stay here a little longer.
32. 7:05Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
33. 7:19Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
34. 7:30I'll step back. You stay here.
35. 7:40If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
36. 7:54A few seconds more.
37. 8:03Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
38. 8:14Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
39. 8:26I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
40. 8:38Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
41. 8:52Remain here for a few more breaths.
42. 9:02Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
43. 9:15Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
44. 9:27I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
45. 9:40Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
46. 9:52No need to open your eyes yet.
47. 10:02Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
48. 10:14Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
49. 10:24Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
50. 10:37Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
51. 10:48Let your body keep settling.
52. 10:57If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
53. 11:10Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
54. 11:21Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
55. 11:34Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
56. 11:47Just the breath, still.
57. 11:56If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
58. 12:09Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
59. 12:21Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
60. 12:31If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
61. 12:45Let the pause stretch out.
62. 12:54Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
63. 13:06Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
64. 13:17No rush to move on.
65. 13:26Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
66. 13:39Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
67. 13:54Take the next breath slowly.
68. 14:03Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
69. 14:14Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
70. 14:27Let this one be unhurried.
71. 14:36Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
72. 14:48You do not have to win against the heaviness where someone used to be. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
73. 15:07No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
74. 15:18Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
75. 15:35Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
76. 15:48Notice how the ache that has no schedule changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
77. 16:05There is no correct amount of the heaviness where someone used to be to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
78. 16:24Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
79. 16:37Picture the wave that arrives without warning as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
80. 16:56If the ache that has no schedule has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
81. 17:14Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
82. 17:25Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
83. 17:36You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
84. 17:48Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
85. 18:01Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
86. 18:13Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
87. 18:29Nothing changes for a moment.
88. 18:38Stand up when you're ready. The list hasn't grown while you were here.
89. 18:51Let the pace of the last few minutes set the pace of the next few.
90. 19:05Let the quiet do its work.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.