Meditation for the inner critic: 15-minute softening session, when it all piles up

About this practice

When the inner critic shows up when it all piles up, this 15-minute softening session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this when you are overwhelmed

• Do not decide priorities during it
• Pick the shortest session available here
• When you finish, write down the first physical action on paper

The pile looks less like a pile once the alarm stops ringing. Sort it after, not during.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your next exhale be a sigh, if a sigh is what's waiting there.
2. 0:14Small efforts are the whole method.
3. 0:24Everything that happens in the next few minutes is allowed to happen.
4. 0:37Bring your attention to the parts of you that are already still.
5. 0:50Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
6. 1:02Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
7. 1:14Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
8. 1:26Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
9. 1:38Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
10. 1:50Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
11. 2:02Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
12. 2:14Let the voice that grades everything be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
13. 2:34Picture the judge in your head as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
14. 2:53Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
15. 3:06Feel the weight of the running commentary on your flaws somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
16. 3:23Think of the voice that grades everything as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
17. 3:41Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
18. 3:53A few seconds more.
19. 4:02Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
20. 4:15Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
21. 4:27No need to open your eyes yet.
22. 4:37Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
23. 4:51Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
24. 5:03Let this one be unhurried.
25. 5:12Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
26. 5:23Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
27. 5:34Let it be this simple.
28. 5:43Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
29. 5:57Feel your calves, front and back.
30. 6:07Let the quiet do its work.
31. 6:17Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
32. 6:30Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
33. 6:41Take the next breath slowly.
34. 6:50Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
35. 7:04A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
36. 7:15We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
37. 7:29If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
38. 7:43Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
39. 7:55We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
40. 8:05If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
41. 8:19Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
42. 8:31If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
43. 8:44If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
44. 8:57Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
45. 9:08Let this be easy, if easy is available.
46. 9:19If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
47. 9:33I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
48. 9:45Nothing here needs to be efficient.
49. 9:55If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
50. 10:08I'll step back. You stay here.
51. 10:18There's no need to try harder than this.
52. 10:29If you've lost track of where we were, you haven't lost anything important.
53. 10:42Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
54. 10:56Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
55. 11:07This is not the last time the judge in your head will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
56. 11:26If the running commentary on your flaws shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
57. 11:47Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
58. 12:00You are allowed to be unimpressed by the voice that grades everything. Indifference is a legitimate response.
59. 12:15If the judge in your head has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
60. 12:33Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
61. 12:47Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
62. 12:59Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
63. 13:12If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
64. 13:26A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
65. 13:37You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
66. 13:50Let your body keep settling.
67. 13:59Before you open your eyes, notice how you feel compared to the start. It might be small.
68. 14:14Notice the room again: the sounds, the temperature, the light.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.