Meditation for the inner critic: 12-minute self-compassion session, during a break

About this practice

For the times during a break when the inner critic takes up more room than you would like — 12 minutes, self-compassion. A guided session of about 12 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: the inner critic

The inner critic often formed as a protective strategy, keeping you small to keep you safe. It is loudest where you feel most exposed.

It tends to show up as:

• A judge commenting on everything
• Anticipating criticism before it comes
• Difficulty accepting praise

You can notice the voice without obeying it. Distance between the voice and the response is the whole gain.

Doing this on a break

• Leave the room if you can
• Do not start anything else in the same gap
• Set a timer so the break has an end

A break spent half-engaged with a screen is not much of a break. Guard the whole five minutes.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your eyes soften. Not closed, just less busy.
2. 0:11Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
3. 0:26Let your sense of the room shrink down to just your body and the surface you're on.
4. 0:41Let your body be exactly as tired as it is.
5. 0:53If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
6. 1:07Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
7. 1:18Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
8. 1:30Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
9. 1:43Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
10. 1:56Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
11. 2:08Whatever the voice that grades everything is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
12. 2:23You do not have to like the judge in your head to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
13. 2:40Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
14. 2:54Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
15. 3:06Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
16. 3:22A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
17. 3:33Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
18. 3:44Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
19. 4:00A short silence. Let it be empty.
20. 4:10If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
21. 4:24Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
22. 4:38Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
23. 4:50If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
24. 5:04The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
25. 5:19No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
26. 5:30If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
27. 5:41Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
28. 5:54Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
29. 6:06Stay here a little longer.
30. 6:15Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
31. 6:26Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
32. 6:40Let it be this simple.
33. 6:49Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
34. 7:00Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
35. 7:14Stay with it.
36. 7:22Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
37. 7:33Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
38. 7:48Let this one be unhurried.
39. 7:57Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
40. 8:08Think of the running commentary on your flaws as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
41. 8:26Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
42. 8:38Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
43. 8:55Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
44. 9:08Let the judge in your head be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
45. 9:28Notice where the running commentary on your flaws lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
46. 9:47Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
47. 10:00Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
48. 10:12If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
49. 10:25Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
50. 10:36You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
51. 10:49Remain here for a few more breaths.
52. 10:59Before you move, notice one thing that's fine right now.
53. 11:11Take one breath that's a little fuller than the others, and let it out through your mouth.
54. 11:26Just the breath, still.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.