Meditation for appreciation: 15-minute softening session, on a plane

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 15 minutes of softening for appreciation, on a plane. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: appreciation

Appreciation deepens by staying, not by listing. A moment held for two breaths registers differently from a moment catalogued.

It tends to show up as:

• Rushing past small kindnesses
• Not noticing ordinary comforts
• Thank-yous left unsaid

Slowing down for a moment is what turns something pleasant into something that stays with you.

Doing this on a plane

• Use headphones, and keep the seatbelt on
• Bring a layer — being cold works against settling
• Skip alcohol; it makes the alertness worse

Cabin noise is constant and will mask the audio more than you expect. Try the headphones before you settle in.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Sit however you were already sitting. You don't have to straighten up first.
2. 0:13You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
3. 0:26Everything that happens in the next few minutes is allowed to happen.
4. 0:39Nothing here needs to be pleasant. Neutral is fine. Dull is fine.
5. 0:52Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
6. 1:05Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
7. 1:20Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
8. 1:33Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
9. 1:46Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
10. 1:58Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
11. 2:12Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
12. 2:22Let the ordinary moments worth savoring be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
13. 2:42You do not have to win against the thank-you waiting to be said. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
14. 3:00If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
15. 3:14You have been carrying the overlooked kindnesses for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
16. 3:33Notice how the ordinary moments worth savoring changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
17. 3:50Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
18. 4:03Remain here for a few more breaths.
19. 4:13Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
20. 4:25Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
21. 4:37Let this one be unhurried.
22. 4:46Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
23. 4:59Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
24. 5:11No need to open your eyes yet.
25. 5:21Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
26. 5:35Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
27. 5:46No rush to move on.
28. 5:55Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
29. 6:09Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
30. 6:21Let your body keep settling.
31. 6:30Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
32. 6:46Feel the tops of your thighs.
33. 6:56Stay with it.
34. 7:04Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
35. 7:18Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
36. 7:30There's no need to try harder than this.
37. 7:41Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
38. 7:52I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
39. 8:04If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
40. 8:17Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
41. 8:29Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
42. 8:40We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
43. 8:54If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
44. 9:08A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
45. 9:19Small efforts are the whole method.
46. 9:29If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
47. 9:41I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
48. 9:54Nothing here needs to be efficient.
49. 10:04If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
50. 10:18Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
51. 10:28Let this be easy, if easy is available.
52. 10:39If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
53. 10:53Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
54. 11:06No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
55. 11:17When the thank-you waiting to be said arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
56. 11:36This is not the last time the overlooked kindnesses will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
57. 11:54Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
58. 12:07You do not have to solve the ordinary moments worth savoring in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
59. 12:26You do not have to like the thank-you waiting to be said to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
60. 12:43Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
61. 12:57You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
62. 13:09Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
63. 13:22If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
64. 13:35I'll step back. You stay here.
65. 13:45We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
66. 13:55Let the quiet do its work.
67. 14:05Roll your neck once, slowly, in whichever direction feels good.
68. 14:17Let your breathing be completely ordinary again.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.