Meditation for anger: 20-minute breathing session, before an appointment

About this practice

20 minutes to meet anger with less of a fight. A breathing practice, before an appointment. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anger

Anger is a fast, full-body response. Blood moves to the hands and jaw, heart rate climbs sharply, and reasoning comes back online several minutes later.

It tends to show up as:

• Heat in the chest and face
• The urge to speak before thinking
• A clenched jaw or fists

The physical peak passes in about ninety seconds if it is not fed. Slow breathing uses those seconds rather than spending them.

Doing this in a waiting room

• You can do this with your eyes open and your hands where they are
• Nothing here needs to look like a meditation
• Aim for steadiness rather than calm

Waiting feeds the dread it is meant to relieve. Having something specific to do with the time is the useful part.

How breathing works

A breathing practice uses the breath as the object of attention and as the control lever. Because exhaling slows the heart through the vagus nerve, it acts on the nervous system directly rather than through thinking.

• Keep the exhale longer than the inhale — that is the active ingredient
• Count the exhales and start again whenever you lose count
• Do not force depth; let the breath find its own level

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Your breathing doesn't have to change yet. Let it be whatever size it currently is.
2. 0:14Your anchor for the next few minutes is the breath itself. Nothing else needs following.
3. 0:28Imagine your thoughts as traffic on a road you're standing beside. You don't have to flag any of it down.
4. 0:45Let your breathing find its own pace. We're only going to watch it.
5. 0:58Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
6. 1:12Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
7. 1:25Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
8. 1:37Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
9. 1:49Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
10. 2:01Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
11. 2:13Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
12. 2:25Think of the urge to snap as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
13. 2:42You have been carrying the white-hot moment before you speak for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
14. 3:03Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
15. 3:17the heat rising in your chest may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
16. 3:35If you catch yourself fighting the urge to snap, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
17. 3:52Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
18. 4:05Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
19. 4:18Keep the exhale a little longer than the inhale. That is the entire technique.
20. 4:32I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
21. 4:45Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
22. 4:58Follow the air from the nostrils down to the belly, then back out. One full trip at a time.
23. 5:14A short silence. Let it be empty.
24. 5:24You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
25. 5:36There is no target number here. Only the next breath, and then the one after it.
26. 5:51Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
27. 6:02If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
28. 6:14If the breath feels tight, do not deepen it. Just watch it, and let it find its own depth.
29. 6:30I'll step back. You stay here.
30. 6:40Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
31. 6:52Let your body keep settling.
32. 7:01Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
33. 7:16Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
34. 7:29Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
35. 7:40If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
36. 7:53Stay with it.
37. 8:01Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
38. 8:12Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
39. 8:24Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
40. 8:36Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
41. 8:48No need to open your eyes yet.
42. 8:58Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
43. 9:14Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
44. 9:25Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
45. 9:37Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
46. 9:48No rush to move on.
47. 9:57If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
48. 10:11Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
49. 10:23Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
50. 10:35Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
51. 10:49Let this one be unhurried.
52. 10:58Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
53. 11:12No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
54. 11:23Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
55. 11:35Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
56. 11:48Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
57. 11:58If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
58. 12:11Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
59. 12:22Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
60. 12:34Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
61. 12:47Stay here a little longer.
62. 12:56Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
63. 13:07Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
64. 13:21Just the breath, still.
65. 13:30Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
66. 13:44Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
67. 13:55Let the quiet do its work.
68. 14:05Let your whole body be as heavy as it wants to be.
69. 14:18Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
70. 14:31Nothing changes for a moment.
71. 14:40Notice the backs of your knees, which you feel more than you think.
72. 14:53Whatever the white-hot moment before you speak is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
73. 15:09A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
74. 15:20Notice the space around the heat rising in your chest. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
75. 15:39Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
76. 15:53Picture the urge to snap as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
77. 16:11Give the white-hot moment before you speak a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
78. 16:29Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
79. 16:41If the heat rising in your chest shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
80. 17:02Imagine the urge to snap as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
81. 17:20Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
82. 17:33Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
83. 17:44Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
84. 17:56Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
85. 18:07I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
86. 18:19Let the counting do the work. When you lose the count, start again from one — no penalty.
87. 18:35A few seconds more.
88. 18:44Wiggle your fingers and toes, gently, like you're testing that they still work.
89. 18:57Before you move, notice one thing that's fine right now.
90. 19:09Let the pause stretch out.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.