Softening meditation for anger (20 min), before a presentation

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 20 minutes of softening for anger, before a presentation. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anger

Anger is a fast, full-body response. Blood moves to the hands and jaw, heart rate climbs sharply, and reasoning comes back online several minutes later.

It tends to show up as:

• Heat in the chest and face
• The urge to speak before thinking
• A clenched jaw or fists

The physical peak passes in about ninety seconds if it is not fed. Slow breathing uses those seconds rather than spending them.

Doing this before public speaking

• Do it somewhere private, or in the washroom if needed
• Slow the exhale deliberately and check your speaking pace after
• Warm the voice by reading a line aloud, not by staying silent

Rushing is the tell of nerves. A slower breath now is what sets a slower pace in the room.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00You don't have to empty your mind. Nobody has ever managed that, including the people who wrote the instructions.
2. 0:16Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
3. 0:30Notice the pause at the end of each breath. It's short, but it's there.
4. 0:44If your mind is loud, that's information, not failure.
5. 0:55Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
6. 1:09Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
7. 1:21Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
8. 1:33Notice your breathing, without changing it.
9. 1:43Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
10. 1:54Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
11. 2:06Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
12. 2:20Let the urge to snap be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
13. 2:39You have been carrying the white-hot moment before you speak for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
14. 3:00If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
15. 3:14Think of the heat rising in your chest as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
16. 3:32You do not have to win against the urge to snap. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
17. 3:49Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
18. 4:00If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
19. 4:14We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
20. 4:28Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
21. 4:40Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
22. 4:51If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
23. 5:06No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
24. 5:17If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
25. 5:31Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
26. 5:44Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
27. 5:55Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
28. 6:07With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
29. 6:22Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
30. 6:34Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
31. 6:46Stay here a little longer.
32. 6:55Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
33. 7:08Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
34. 7:19A short silence. Let it be empty.
35. 7:29Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
36. 7:42Keep following the air.
37. 7:51Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
38. 8:05Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
39. 8:16I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
40. 8:29If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
41. 8:42Let your body keep settling.
42. 8:51Feel the air as it passes the back of your throat. It's cooler going in.
43. 9:05Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
44. 9:17A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
45. 9:28If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
46. 9:42Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
47. 9:54Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
48. 10:07Let the quiet do its work.
49. 10:17Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
50. 10:29Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
51. 10:40Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
52. 10:52Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
53. 11:05Take the next breath slowly.
54. 11:14If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
55. 11:25I'll step back. You stay here.
56. 11:35Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
57. 11:47Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
58. 12:01Remain here for a few more breaths.
59. 12:11If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
60. 12:26Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
61. 12:38Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
62. 12:50Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
63. 13:01A few seconds more.
64. 13:10Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
65. 13:22Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
66. 13:36Stay with it.
67. 13:44Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
68. 13:54Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
69. 14:07Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
70. 14:17Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
71. 14:29Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
72. 14:42No need to open your eyes yet.
73. 14:52Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
74. 15:04Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
75. 15:21Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
76. 15:33Notice the space around the heat rising in your chest. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
77. 15:52Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
78. 16:06If the urge to snap is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
79. 16:23You are allowed to be unimpressed by the white-hot moment before you speak. Indifference is a legitimate response.
80. 16:39Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
81. 16:50Whatever the heat rising in your chest is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
82. 17:06Feel the weight of the urge to snap somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
83. 17:22Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
84. 17:35Notice whether you're breathing or holding. Start breathing again.
85. 17:46If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
86. 18:01If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
87. 18:14I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
88. 18:26Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
89. 18:40Let this one be unhurried.
90. 18:49Before you open your eyes, notice how you feel compared to the start. It might be small.
91. 19:04Come back at your own speed. The room will wait.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.