Loneliness: 7-minute self-compassion meditation, after a horrible day

About this practice

7 minutes to meet loneliness with less of a fight. A self-compassion practice, after a horrible day. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: loneliness

Loneliness registers in the body much like physical pain. It raises vigilance and lowers the threshold for reading neutral things as rejection.

It tends to show up as:

• The quiet of the house feeling loud
• Feeling unseen even in company
• Assuming you are an inconvenience

A guided voice in the room does not replace company, but it does reduce the sense of being entirely on your own with it.

Doing this after a bad day

• Do not review the day during it — that is what tomorrow is for
• Something physical first, then this
• Keep it short and end it deliberately

A bad day does not need a verdict. Closing it without a post-mortem is allowed.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're sitting, let the chair do the work of holding you upright.
2. 0:13Nothing here needs to be efficient.
3. 0:23Settle into the fact that for the next few minutes, nothing is required of you.
4. 0:37We're going to move through the body in order, roughly from top to bottom.
5. 0:51Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
6. 1:05If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
7. 1:19Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
8. 1:32Feel your upper back against whatever is behind it.
9. 1:43Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
10. 1:55If the hollow feeling when the house is quiet is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
11. 2:14Notice how the sense of being unseen changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
12. 2:31Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
13. 2:42Nothing changes for a moment.
14. 2:51Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
15. 3:04Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
16. 3:18If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
17. 3:31Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
18. 3:43If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
19. 3:56If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
20. 4:09Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
21. 4:23Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
22. 4:35You do not have to like the ache of isolation to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
23. 4:51the hollow feeling when the house is quiet may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
24. 5:10Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
25. 5:23You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
26. 5:35If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
27. 5:49A short silence. Let it be empty.
28. 5:59You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
29. 6:12Let your shoulders come back up to their usual place, if they want to.
30. 6:26Roll your neck once, slowly, in whichever direction feels good.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.