Letting go meditation for perfectionism (20 min), as sleep prep

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for perfectionism. A letting go session you can do as sleep prep. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: perfectionism

Perfectionism treats a mistake as evidence rather than an incident. The bar rises precisely where self-worth is attached, which is why it never becomes achievable.

It tends to show up as:

• Endless polishing before sharing
• Fear of a wrong step
• Delaying work until conditions are ideal

A practice with no grade attached is a useful counterweight. There is no wrong way to do the next few minutes.

Doing this before sleep

• Dim the lights and put the phone out of reach
• Do it in bed if that helps you stay there
• Let yourself fall asleep rather than finishing it

Checking anything afterwards undoes most of it. Let this be the last thing.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Notice where your body touches the chair. That contact is doing more for you than it looks.
2. 0:15We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
3. 0:29We're going to move through the body in order, roughly from top to bottom.
4. 0:43Let your breathing find its own pace. We're only going to watch it.
5. 0:56Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
6. 1:10Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
7. 1:21Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
8. 1:34Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
9. 1:45Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
10. 1:57Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
11. 2:09Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
12. 2:23Give the demand that everything be exactly right a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
13. 2:42Notice the space around the bar that is always too high. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
14. 3:01Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
15. 3:13If the fear of a wrong step starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
16. 3:30Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
17. 3:47Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
18. 4:01If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
19. 4:15We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
20. 4:25Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
21. 4:37If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
22. 4:50If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
23. 5:03Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
24. 5:14Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
25. 5:26Nothing here needs to be efficient.
26. 5:36I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
27. 5:48If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
28. 6:02Small efforts are the whole method.
29. 6:12A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
30. 6:23Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
31. 6:34You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
32. 6:47I'll step back. You stay here.
33. 6:57Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
34. 7:09Let this be easy, if easy is available.
35. 7:20Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
36. 7:31If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
37. 7:46A few seconds more.
38. 7:55Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
39. 8:08Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
40. 8:20Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
41. 8:32If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
42. 8:45Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
43. 8:55Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
44. 9:08Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
45. 9:18A short silence. Let it be empty.
46. 9:28If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
47. 9:42Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
48. 9:55Take the next breath slowly.
49. 10:04Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
50. 10:18Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
51. 10:30Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
52. 10:42Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
53. 10:55No rush to move on.
54. 11:04Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
55. 11:15Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
56. 11:26Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
57. 11:39Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
58. 11:52Nothing changes for a moment.
59. 12:01Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
60. 12:13Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
61. 12:25No need to open your eyes yet.
62. 12:35Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
63. 12:47Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
64. 12:58Let the pause stretch out.
65. 13:07Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
66. 13:18Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
67. 13:32Keep following the air.
68. 13:41Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
69. 13:51Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
70. 14:03Let it be this simple.
71. 14:12Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
72. 14:24Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
73. 14:37Stay with it.
74. 14:45Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
75. 14:57Think of the bar that is always too high as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
76. 15:16I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
77. 15:29Nothing about the fear of a wrong step has to be explained or justified in this room.
78. 15:44Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
79. 15:58You do not have to win against the demand that everything be exactly right. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
80. 16:17Let the exhale carry a little of the bar that is always too high with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
81. 16:37Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
82. 16:50Whatever the fear of a wrong step is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
83. 17:06Picture the demand that everything be exactly right as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
84. 17:25Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
85. 17:36If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
86. 17:50If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
87. 18:05If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
88. 18:19Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
89. 18:30There's no need to try harder than this.
90. 18:41Let the quiet do its work.
91. 18:51When you're ready, look around properly.
92. 19:01Let your breathing go back to whatever it does when nobody is watching.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.