Contentment: 7-minute self-compassion meditation, as sleep prep

About this practice

Nothing to learn and nothing to fix: 7 minutes of self-compassion for contentment, as sleep prep. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: contentment

Contentment is the absence of the next want, not the presence of everything. It lasts only as long as the wanting pauses.

It tends to show up as:

• Arriving without enjoying the arrival
• Immediately wanting the next thing
• Rest feeling unearned

Not wanting more for a few minutes is a trainable state, and it is available without acquiring anything.

Doing this before sleep

• Dim the lights and put the phone out of reach
• Do it in bed if that helps you stay there
• Let yourself fall asleep rather than finishing it

Checking anything afterwards undoes most of it. Let this be the last thing.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Check your hands. Are they doing anything? Let them stop.
2. 0:12The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
3. 0:27Let your sense of the room shrink down to just your body and the surface you're on.
4. 0:42If some part of you is resisting this, that resistance is worth noticing too.
5. 0:56Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
6. 1:09Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
7. 1:23Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
8. 1:36Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
9. 1:47Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
10. 1:59Feel the weight of the calm of not wanting more this minute somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
11. 2:17Imagine softening the edges of the settled feeling after striving. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
12. 2:35Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
13. 2:46Take the next breath slowly.
14. 2:55Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
15. 3:07Feel your upper back against whatever is behind it.
16. 3:18If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
17. 3:31A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
18. 3:42Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
19. 3:56Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
20. 4:07Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
21. 4:20I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
22. 4:33When the enough-ness of right now arrives, name it once, quietly, and go back to the breath. Naming is not fixing, and that is fine.
23. 4:52You do not have to like the calm of not wanting more this minute to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
24. 5:10Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
25. 5:23If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
26. 5:36If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
27. 5:47No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
28. 5:58Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
29. 6:13Come back slowly. There's no prize for finishing fast.
30. 6:24Let your breathing be completely ordinary again.
31. 6:34Remain here for a few more breaths.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.