Letting go for perfectionism: 15 minutes, at midday

About this practice

15 minutes to meet perfectionism with less of a fight. A letting go practice, at midday. A guided session of about 15 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: perfectionism

Perfectionism treats a mistake as evidence rather than an incident. The bar rises precisely where self-worth is attached, which is why it never becomes achievable.

It tends to show up as:

Endless polishing before sharing
Fear of a wrong step
Delaying work until conditions are ideal

A practice with no grade attached is a useful counterweight. There is no wrong way to do the next few minutes.

Doing this at lunch

Do it before eating rather than after, so you are not working against digestion
Leaving the desk matters more than the session length
Take the headphones off afterwards so the break registers

A break that happens at the same desk is only half a break.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

0:00If you're tired, you can let that be true. Tired is allowed here.
0:13We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
0:28If some part of you is resisting this, that resistance is worth noticing too.
0:42We'll work through this slowly. If you lose the thread, the thread will wait.
0:56Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
1:10Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
1:23Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
1:37Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
1:49Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
2:02Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
2:15Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
2:26Let the fear of a wrong step be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
2:46Give the demand that everything be exactly right a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
3:05Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
3:19Think of the bar that is always too high as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
3:38If the fear of a wrong step starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
3:55Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
4:07Let the quiet do its work.
4:17Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
4:31Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
4:41A few seconds more.
4:50Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
5:01Move to your forehead. Let it be smooth instead of gathered.
5:13Let this one be unhurried.
5:22Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
5:33Notice the weight of your thighs, all the way down.
5:45No need to open your eyes yet.
5:55Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
6:08Let your thumbs rest wherever they landed.
6:18Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
6:30If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
6:43Let the pause stretch out.
6:52I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
7:04Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
7:16If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
7:30Stay here a little longer.
7:39Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
7:51Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
8:02Ask yourself what you could stop holding for the next sixty seconds. That one is a good start.
8:18If you're irritated, that's allowed. Irritation is just weather.
8:29A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
8:40With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
8:55Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
9:08I'll step back. You stay here.
9:18You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
9:33Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
9:47No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
9:58Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
10:13Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
10:25Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
10:40Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
10:51If the demand that everything be exactly right shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
11:12Say to yourself: this is uncomfortable, and I can stay with it for one more breath. Then take that breath.
11:29Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
11:41This is not the last time the fear of a wrong step will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
12:00There is no correct amount of the demand that everything be exactly right to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
12:19Let the breath be slow enough that you can hear it, just barely.
12:32If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
12:46Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
12:59If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
13:14A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
13:25Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
13:41Take the next breath slowly.
13:50Let the next breath be the start of the rest of the day.
14:03Let the last of the stillness stay with you for a few more seconds.
14:17Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.

Questions people ask

What does this session help with?

Perfectionism treats a mistake as evidence rather than an incident. The bar rises precisely where self-worth is attached, which is why it never becomes achievable. A practice with no grade attached is a useful counterweight. There is no wrong way to do the next few minutes.

Where and when should I do this one?

Do it before eating rather than after, so you are not working against digestion. A break that happens at the same desk is only half a break.

What actually happens during the 15 minutes?

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.