Insomnia: 10-minute self-compassion meditation, before bedtime

About this practice

10 minutes to meet insomnia with less of a fight. A self-compassion practice, before bedtime. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: insomnia

Insomnia is often maintained by the fear of not sleeping. Anticipating a bad night raises arousal at bedtime, which produces the bad night.

It tends to show up as:

• Dreading bedtime
• Hours awake with a busy mind
• Sleeping worse as the week goes on

Removing the pressure to sleep is the active ingredient. This gives you something to do that is not trying.

Doing this before sleep

• Dim the lights and put the phone out of reach
• Do it in bed if that helps you stay there
• Let yourself fall asleep rather than finishing it

Checking anything afterwards undoes most of it. Let this be the last thing.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Let your shoulders drop about a centimetre. That is roughly where most of us keep the day.
2. 0:15Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
3. 0:31Let your sense of the room shrink down to just your body and the surface you're on.
4. 0:46Let your attention drop to the level of your shoulders and stay there a moment.
5. 1:00Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
6. 1:13Feel the pause at the top of the in-breath. It's shorter than you think.
7. 1:27Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
8. 1:39Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
9. 1:51Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
10. 2:03Notice the small movement in your belly when you breathe.
11. 2:15There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
12. 2:33Give the wide-awake mind at 2am a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
13. 2:51If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
14. 3:03The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
15. 3:18Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
16. 3:30Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
17. 3:42Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
18. 3:56Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
19. 4:07Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
20. 4:19Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
21. 4:34Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
22. 4:45Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
23. 4:56No rush to move on.
24. 5:05Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
25. 5:17Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
26. 5:28Stay with it.
27. 5:36Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
28. 5:50Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
29. 6:03No need to open your eyes yet.
30. 6:13Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
31. 6:23Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
32. 6:36Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
33. 6:48Notice how the counting of hours until morning changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
34. 7:05When the frustration of not sleeping presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
35. 7:24Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
36. 7:38If the wide-awake mind at 2am has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
37. 7:56Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
38. 8:09If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
39. 8:23I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
40. 8:36You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
41. 8:49Let it be this simple.
42. 8:58Take one more breath at your own pace, then let your attention come back to the room.
43. 9:13Let the next breath be the start of the rest of the day.
44. 9:26Let your body keep settling.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.