7-minute guided breathing practice for heartbreak — on a day off

About this practice

A 7-minute breathing session for heartbreak, on a day off. No app, no account — press start. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: heartbreak

A breakup activates the same attachment system as physical separation. That is why it hurts in the chest and why the missing comes in surges.

It tends to show up as:

• Physical ache in the chest or throat
• Checking for messages you do not want
• Extreme tiredness in the first weeks

The surges pass. Having something steady to return to between them makes the first weeks less brutal.

Doing this on a rest day

• Do it without a reason or a target
• Later in the day, unhurried, in good light
• Let it be longer than usual if you want

Rest that has to be justified is not really rest. This one is allowed to be pointless.

How breathing works

A breathing practice uses the breath as the object of attention and as the control lever. Because exhaling slows the heart through the vagus nerve, it acts on the nervous system directly rather than through thinking.

• Keep the exhale longer than the inhale — that is the active ingredient
• Count the exhales and start again whenever you lose count
• Do not force depth; let the breath find its own level

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Notice the temperature of the air on the backs of your hands.
2. 0:13There's no need to try harder than this.
3. 0:24Let your attention settle on the space between your nose and your upper lip, where the air passes.
4. 0:40Bring your attention to where your body meets the surface underneath you.
5. 0:53Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
6. 1:06Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
7. 1:20Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
8. 1:33Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
9. 1:46Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
10. 1:59Imagine the bruise where a relationship used to be as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
11. 2:18Nothing about the missing of someone has to be explained or justified in this room.
12. 2:32Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
13. 2:45Keep following the air.
14. 2:54Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
15. 3:07If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
16. 3:20I'll step back. You stay here.
17. 3:30We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
18. 3:44Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
19. 3:58Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
20. 4:09No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
21. 4:20Each time your mind hands you the raw first weeks of a breakup, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
22. 4:40If the bruise where a relationship used to be shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
23. 5:02Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
24. 5:15If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
25. 5:28If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
26. 5:41I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
27. 5:53If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
28. 6:06Take a moment to notice you did this for yourself. That's not nothing.
29. 6:19Let the quiet end on its own rather than cutting it off.
30. 6:32Let the pause stretch out.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.