10-minute letting go meditation for heartbreak, on a slow Sunday

About this practice

Slow, spoken guidance for heartbreak. A letting go session you can do on a slow Sunday. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: heartbreak

A breakup activates the same attachment system as physical separation. That is why it hurts in the chest and why the missing comes in surges.

It tends to show up as:

• Physical ache in the chest or throat
• Checking for messages you do not want
• Extreme tiredness in the first weeks

The surges pass. Having something steady to return to between them makes the first weeks less brutal.

Doing this on a rest day

• Do it without a reason or a target
• Later in the day, unhurried, in good light
• Let it be longer than usual if you want

Rest that has to be justified is not really rest. This one is allowed to be pointless.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Part of you is still in the last conversation you had. That's fine. It can sit here too.
2. 0:16You have been carrying this competently for a while. A few minutes off will not undo that.
3. 0:31There's a difference between relaxing and stopping. We're aiming for the second one, gently.
4. 0:45Let the breath get a little quieter, as if you were trying not to wake someone sleeping nearby.
5. 1:01Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
6. 1:15Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
7. 1:28Feel the middle of your back, the part that never gets attention.
8. 1:41Notice your eyebrows. They're probably doing something small right now.
9. 1:53Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
10. 2:07Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
11. 2:19Nothing about the raw first weeks of a breakup has to be explained or justified in this room.
12. 2:35Each time your mind hands you the bruise where a relationship used to be, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
13. 2:56Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
14. 3:09Pick one thing you are gripping — a plan, a worry, a grudge — and loosen a single finger.
15. 3:25A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
16. 3:36Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
17. 3:49We are not solving anything in the next few minutes. We are setting it down, temporarily.
18. 4:04No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
19. 4:15Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
20. 4:27Setting something down is not the same as giving up. You can pick it up again after.
21. 4:42I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
22. 4:54Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
23. 5:08Stay with it.
24. 5:16Feel your calves, front and back.
25. 5:26Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
26. 5:40Let this one be unhurried.
27. 5:49Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
28. 6:00Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
29. 6:14Let it be this simple.
30. 6:23Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
31. 6:35Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
32. 6:49I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
33. 7:01If the missing of someone starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
34. 7:17Feel the weight of the raw first weeks of a breakup somewhere specific, then let the floor take a share of it.
35. 7:35Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
36. 7:46There is no correct amount of the bruise where a relationship used to be to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
37. 8:05Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
38. 8:17Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
39. 8:31Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
40. 8:41With each exhale, let a little of the effort go. Not the problem — just the effort.
41. 8:56Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
42. 9:06Let the quiet end on its own rather than cutting it off.
43. 9:19Before you open your eyes, notice how you feel compared to the start. It might be small.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.