20-minute guided letting go practice for loneliness — after a long day

About this practice

A 20-minute letting go session for loneliness, after a long day. No app, no account — press start. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: loneliness

Loneliness registers in the body much like physical pain. It raises vigilance and lowers the threshold for reading neutral things as rejection.

It tends to show up as:

• The quiet of the house feeling loud
• Feeling unseen even in company
• Assuming you are an inconvenience

A guided voice in the room does not replace company, but it does reduce the sense of being entirely on your own with it.

Doing this after a long day

• Something physical first — shoes off, hands washed, water drunk
• Do not review the day during it
• Keep it short rather than thorough

Replaying the day in the practice just carries the day further into the evening.

How letting go works

Letting go is about loosening grip rather than dropping things. It works on the effort attached to a problem — the holding, rehearsing and bracing — which is separable from the problem itself.

• Pick one thing you are gripping and loosen a single finger
• Release the effort with the exhale, not the issue
• Set down temporarily; you can pick it up again after

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Check your hands. Are they doing anything? Let them stop.
2. 0:12We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
3. 0:22Feel the small movements your body makes to keep you upright. They're happening without you.
4. 0:36We're going to let the body lead and the mind follow for a while.
5. 0:50Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
6. 1:05Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
7. 1:18Let your throat soften. There's nothing to swallow right now.
8. 1:30Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
9. 1:44Feel your forearms, from the elbow down to the wrist.
10. 1:56Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
11. 2:10Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
12. 2:23Think of the hollow feeling when the house is quiet as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
13. 2:42You do not have to win against the sense of being unseen. You only have to breathe until the next moment arrives.
14. 3:00Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
15. 3:16the ache of isolation may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
16. 3:33Notice where the hollow feeling when the house is quiet lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
17. 3:52Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
18. 4:05If you're counting the minutes, that's fine. Count them and come back.
19. 4:18You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
20. 4:31I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
21. 4:43Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
22. 4:57If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
23. 5:10Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
24. 5:22If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
25. 5:37We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
26. 5:51I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
27. 6:04Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
28. 6:15There's no need to try harder than this.
29. 6:26A gap. Don't rush to fill it with thinking.
30. 6:37If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
31. 6:50Nothing here needs to be efficient.
32. 7:00Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
33. 7:12If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
34. 7:25Let this be easy, if easy is available.
35. 7:36A short silence. Let it be empty.
36. 7:46Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
37. 8:00Take the next breath slowly.
38. 8:09Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
39. 8:22Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
40. 8:36Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
41. 8:48If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
42. 9:03Let your body keep settling.
43. 9:12Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
44. 9:24Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
45. 9:35Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
46. 9:46Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
47. 9:57Keep following the air.
48. 10:06Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
49. 10:18Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
50. 10:29Notice your fingers, one by one, starting with the little finger.
51. 10:41Follow three breaths and let the fourth one go unobserved.
52. 10:53Let the quiet do its work.
53. 11:03Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
54. 11:15Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
55. 11:26Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
56. 11:39Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
57. 11:52Let the pause stretch out.
58. 12:01Let the whole of your right foot be heavy.
59. 12:12Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
60. 12:26Let this one be unhurried.
61. 12:35Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
62. 12:46Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
63. 12:59Stay with it.
64. 13:07Feel the tops of your thighs.
65. 13:17Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
66. 13:31Just the breath, still.
67. 13:40Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
68. 13:52Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
69. 14:03No need to open your eyes yet.
70. 14:13Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
71. 14:25Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
72. 14:37No rush to move on.
73. 14:46Feel your ankles. Let them be loose.
74. 14:56Notice the space around the sense of being unseen. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
75. 15:14No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
76. 15:25If the ache of isolation starts telling you a story, let the story finish without you adding to it.
77. 15:41Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
78. 15:55Imagine the hollow feeling when the house is quiet as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
79. 16:14If the sense of being unseen is loud right now, make your attention smaller. Just the next breath. Nothing beyond it.
80. 16:31Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
81. 16:45You are allowed to be unimpressed by the ache of isolation. Indifference is a legitimate response.
82. 17:00Imagine softening the edges of the hollow feeling when the house is quiet. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
83. 17:19Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
84. 17:35You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
85. 17:47Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
86. 18:01If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
87. 18:15I'll step back. You stay here.
88. 18:25Small efforts are the whole method.
89. 18:35Nothing changes for a moment.
90. 18:44Wiggle your fingers and toes, gently, like you're testing that they still work.
91. 18:57Notice your feet on the floor. That's where you start from.
92. 19:09Let it be this simple.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.