Guide · self-compassion · 3 min read
When the inner voice will not let something go — the long answer, briefly, when you are not sure this will work
Self-criticism usually repeats because it is trying to prevent something. Arguing with it does not work. Understanding it sometimes does.
Start here
Six things, in the order that makes the most difference. The first two do most of the work.
Not being sure it will work is a perfectly good reason to try it once.
If you only do one thing from this page, do the first point below. It is first because it removes the most friction for the least effort.
What helps
Ask whether you would say it to someone you like. If not, that is information, not an instruction to be nicer.
Write down what the voice is actually saying, in full. It is usually vaguer and less reasonable on paper than in your head.
Notice how the criticism feels in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Feeling it somewhere specific makes it smaller than a global verdict about you.
What to do when it does not work
Ask what it is trying to prevent. Criticism is often a clumsy form of protection, not a verdict.
Separate the behaviour from the person. "I did that badly" is workable. "I am bad at this" is not.
Set a time limit on the replaying. Fifteen minutes, then do something physical. Rumination does not resolve anything; it just repeats.
Questions people ask
What if the criticism is accurate?
Then it is feedback, and feedback is useful once. Repeating it forty times is not more accurate, it is just more painful.
Written for people who want the practical version. No accounts, no tracking, no newsletter wall.
If this is not the angle you need, try Breathing exercises that help during panic — explained without jargon, when you need to stop thinking about work, When to drink coffee so it does not ruin your sleep — what nobody tells you, when you have been on screens all day or Ten minutes outside is not a wellness cliché — a short, honest guide, when you only have a few minutes.