Guide · self-compassion · 3 min read
When the inner voice will not let something go — the essentials, when you are not in the mood
Self-criticism usually repeats because it is trying to prevent something. Arguing with it does not work. Understanding it sometimes does.
Start here
The order matters less than doing the first one tonight. Start there and come back to the rest.
Not being in the mood is a normal starting point.
If you only do one thing from this page, do the first point below. It is first because it removes the most friction for the least effort.
What helps
Separate the behaviour from the person. "I did that badly" is workable. "I am bad at this" is not.
Notice how the criticism feels in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Feeling it somewhere specific makes it smaller than a global verdict about you.
Write down what the voice is actually saying, in full. It is usually vaguer and less reasonable on paper than in your head.
What to do when it does not work
Ask whether you would say it to someone you like. If not, that is information, not an instruction to be nicer.
Set a time limit on the replaying. Fifteen minutes, then do something physical. Rumination does not resolve anything; it just repeats.
Ask what it is trying to prevent. Criticism is often a clumsy form of protection, not a verdict.
Questions people ask
What if the criticism is accurate?
Then it is feedback, and feedback is useful once. Repeating it forty times is not more accurate, it is just more painful.
Written for people who want the practical version. No accounts, no tracking, no newsletter wall.
If this is not the angle you need, try Breathing exercises that help during panic — explained without jargon, when you need to stop thinking about work, Waking up anxious for no obvious reason, in plain terms, if you are tired of apps or Preparing for a conversation you are dreading, without the usual nonsense, when you have been on screens all day.