Softening meditation for loneliness (10 min), early on

About this practice

For the times early on when loneliness takes up more room than you would like — 10 minutes, softening. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: loneliness

Loneliness registers in the body much like physical pain. It raises vigilance and lowers the threshold for reading neutral things as rejection.

It tends to show up as:

• The quiet of the house feeling loud
• Feeling unseen even in company
• Assuming you are an inconvenience

A guided voice in the room does not replace company, but it does reduce the sense of being entirely on your own with it.

Doing this in the morning

• Do it before checking your phone — the first minutes set the tone for the rest
• Sitting up is better than lying down, or you will drift back to sleep
• Light on your face helps more than any practice

Mornings can become a performance of productive habits. This one does not need to be done well.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Your breathing doesn't have to change yet. Let it be whatever size it currently is.
2. 0:14There's no need to try harder than this.
3. 0:25Let the last hour go on its own. You can pick it up again afterwards.
4. 0:39If your mind is loud, that's information, not failure.
5. 0:50Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
6. 1:01Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
7. 1:12Notice your lower back. Let it curve however it curves.
8. 1:24Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
9. 1:36Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
10. 1:48Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
11. 2:00Imagine softening the edges of the hollow feeling when the house is quiet. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
12. 2:19Imagine the sense of being unseen as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
13. 2:37If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
14. 2:51Small efforts are the whole method.
15. 3:01A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
16. 3:12Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
17. 3:26Let this be easy, if easy is available.
18. 3:37Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
19. 3:49Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
20. 4:00We'll keep it quiet and unhurried.
21. 4:10A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
22. 4:21Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
23. 4:33Now feel both feet at once. That's a lot of contact with the world.
24. 4:47Feel your breath move down your back, all the way to your lower ribs.
25. 5:01Take the next breath slowly.
26. 5:10Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
27. 5:23Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
28. 5:37Stay with it.
29. 5:45Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
30. 5:57Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
31. 6:12Let it be this simple.
32. 6:21Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
33. 6:33Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
34. 6:46Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
35. 6:58Notice where the ache of isolation lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
36. 7:16the hollow feeling when the house is quiet may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
37. 7:35Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
38. 7:47You are allowed to be unimpressed by the sense of being unseen. Indifference is a legitimate response.
39. 8:02If you're judging your performance, that's the same habit as judging everything else.
40. 8:15Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
41. 8:27Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
42. 8:38You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
43. 8:51No rush to move on.
44. 9:00Take one breath that's a little fuller than the others, and let it out through your mouth.
45. 9:15Take one last look at whatever your attention settled on.
46. 9:27Nothing changes for a moment.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.