Softening meditation for contentment (20 min), in the middle of the night

About this practice

When contentment shows up in the middle of the night, this 20-minute softening session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: contentment

Contentment is the absence of the next want, not the presence of everything. It lasts only as long as the wanting pauses.

It tends to show up as:

• Arriving without enjoying the arrival
• Immediately wanting the next thing
• Rest feeling unearned

Not wanting more for a few minutes is a trainable state, and it is available without acquiring anything.

Doing this at 3am

• Do not check the time and do not turn on a light
• Stay lying down if you can — sitting up makes it harder to return to sleep
• Do not try to solve anything that arrives at this hour

Problems at 3am feel enormous because of chemistry, not because they are actually bigger. Defer them.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00Your breathing doesn't have to change yet. Let it be whatever size it currently is.
2. 0:14With every out-breath, soften one place. Shoulders first, then jaw, then the space behind the eyes.
3. 0:29Nothing here needs to be pleasant. Neutral is fine. Dull is fine.
4. 0:42There's no correct speed. Slower isn't better. Steadier is the only aim.
5. 0:55Let your breathing be boring. Boring is good here.
6. 1:06Notice the small gap after each exhale. Rest there for half a second.
7. 1:19Notice your shoulders, one at a time. The left one first.
8. 1:31Notice your pelvis resting on the surface below you.
9. 1:42Feel the soles of your feet. All the weight of you goes through them.
10. 1:56Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
11. 2:08Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
12. 2:20There is a part of you that has handled hard moments before. That part is here now, even if it is quiet.
13. 2:38Picture the enough-ness of right now as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
14. 2:57Let the exhale fall out rather than pushing it.
15. 3:08Notice how the calm of not wanting more this minute changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
16. 3:26There is no correct amount of the settled feeling after striving to be feeling right now. Whatever is here is the honest amount.
17. 3:44Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
18. 3:59Your mind will leave about a hundred times. Come back about a hundred times.
19. 4:13Let the exhale do the work. On each one, allow a little more give.
20. 4:27No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
21. 4:38Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
22. 4:51We are not forcing anything open. We are letting things unclench by a single degree.
23. 5:05Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
24. 5:17You might be planning something. Notice the planning, then come back.
25. 5:29Unclenching is not the same as relaxing. Just stop adding the tension back.
26. 5:42Let's rest here in silence. It's short.
27. 5:52Notice how quickly your mind labels things: good, bad, boring, nice.
28. 6:04Find the tightest place and simply breathe near it. Warmth does the softening, not effort.
29. 6:18Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
30. 6:29Notice any part of you that wants this to be over.
31. 6:41Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
32. 6:51Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
33. 7:05Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
34. 7:17Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
35. 7:29Notice the moment you realise you've drifted. That moment is the whole skill.
36. 7:42Let the quiet do its work.
37. 7:52Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
38. 8:06Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
39. 8:19Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
40. 8:31Notice if you're being hard on yourself about any of this.
41. 8:43Keep following the air.
42. 8:52Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
43. 9:05Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
44. 9:17A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
45. 9:28Notice anything you're holding onto from earlier today.
46. 9:39Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
47. 9:52Notice your breathing getting quieter on its own, without you deciding anything.
48. 10:05No need to open your eyes yet.
49. 10:15If you're replaying a conversation, let it play. It'll finish on its own.
50. 10:28Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
51. 10:40Feel your upper back against whatever is behind it.
52. 10:51Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
53. 11:04Let this one be unhurried.
54. 11:13If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
55. 11:28I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
56. 11:40Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
57. 11:51Feel the last part of the exhale, where it turns into nothing.
58. 12:04A few seconds more.
59. 12:13If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
60. 12:26Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
61. 12:37Notice your ears, which mostly just receive things.
62. 12:48Let the breath be shallow if shallow is what your body wants.
63. 13:01Remain here for a few more breaths.
64. 13:11Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
65. 13:24Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
66. 13:36Let your body keep settling.
67. 13:45Notice your breathing, without changing it.
68. 13:55Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
69. 14:06Stay here a little longer.
70. 14:15Start at the top of your head. Notice the scalp, which you almost never notice.
71. 14:29Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
72. 14:42Nothing changes for a moment.
73. 14:51Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
74. 15:02If the enough-ness of right now shows up, let it be there without arguing with it. You are not trying to remove it, just to sit beside it.
75. 15:22Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
76. 15:33Nothing about the calm of not wanting more this minute has to be explained or justified in this room.
77. 15:49Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
78. 16:02You are allowed to be unimpressed by the settled feeling after striving. Indifference is a legitimate response.
79. 16:17Imagine the enough-ness of right now as a room you can walk out of for a minute. The room will still be there.
80. 16:35Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
81. 16:49You do not have to like the calm of not wanting more this minute to breathe through it. Liking was never the requirement.
82. 17:07Whatever the settled feeling after striving is doing right now, your breathing can keep going underneath it.
83. 17:22Let your belly rise first, then your chest, then the tops of your lungs.
84. 17:36If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
85. 17:50Notice any tension that arrived while you weren't looking.
86. 18:01Notice the exact moment your attention left. You probably won't catch it. That's normal.
87. 18:15I'll step back. You stay here.
88. 18:25If a place will not soften, leave it alone and go somewhere that will. It often follows.
89. 18:40Just the breath, still.
90. 18:49Give your hands a stretch before you go back to using them.
91. 19:02Come back to the room through your senses, one at a time.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.