Anger: 20-minute self-compassion meditation, on a train

About this practice

When anger shows up on a train, this 20-minute self-compassion session gives you somewhere to put it down. A guided session of about 20 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: anger

Anger is a fast, full-body response. Blood moves to the hands and jaw, heart rate climbs sharply, and reasoning comes back online several minutes later.

It tends to show up as:

• Heat in the chest and face
• The urge to speak before thinking
• A clenched jaw or fists

The physical peak passes in about ninety seconds if it is not fed. Slow breathing uses those seconds rather than spending them.

Doing this on a train

• Pick a window seat if you can and let the view do part of the work
• Set an alarm for your stop
• Keep the bag on your lap rather than unfastening to find it later

The motion can make reading or screens uncomfortable, which is another reason audio works better here.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're lying down, let the mattress hold all of you. You can stop holding yourself up.
2. 0:15Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
3. 0:31Now let your attention move from the room into your body, slowly, the way you'd move through a doorway you know well.
4. 0:49Everything that happens in the next few minutes is allowed to happen.
5. 1:02Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
6. 1:16Notice how many breaths you take in a minute. Don't change the number, just check.
7. 1:30Feel your upper arms hanging. They're heavier than you remember.
8. 1:42Feel the back of your neck. That's a place that holds a lot.
9. 1:55Notice your ribs on both sides. Wide, not squeezed.
10. 2:06Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
11. 2:18Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
12. 2:29Notice the space around the urge to snap. It is there, even if it is small. Put your attention in that space.
13. 2:47the white-hot moment before you speak may quiet down, or it may not. Either is fine. We are practising staying, not performing calm.
14. 3:05Count four breaths silently. Then stop counting and just follow.
15. 3:17Notice where the heat rising in your chest lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
16. 3:36If the urge to snap has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
17. 3:53Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
18. 4:06If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
19. 4:20You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
20. 4:33Silence. Let your shoulders drop again if they've crept up.
21. 4:45If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
22. 4:58Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
23. 5:14A short silence. Let it be empty.
24. 5:24If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
25. 5:37Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
26. 5:52Quiet for a moment. No need to fill it.
27. 6:03If you're thinking about the next thing on your list, that list will still be there.
28. 6:18Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
29. 6:32Pause here. Count three breaths if you need an anchor.
30. 6:44If your mind is quiet, don't grab at it. Quiet comes and goes too.
31. 6:58Nothing changes for a moment.
32. 7:07Let your shoulders stay still while your ribs move.
33. 7:18Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
34. 7:32No words for a moment. Only the next breath.
35. 7:43If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
36. 7:58Let the quiet do its work.
37. 8:08Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
38. 8:24Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
39. 8:34Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
40. 8:45If you feel emotional, you don't have to explain it to anyone, including yourself.
41. 8:59Let it be this simple.
42. 9:08Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
43. 9:21Notice your hands again. Check whether they've loosened on their own.
44. 9:33I'll step back. You stay here.
45. 9:43Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
46. 9:56No need to open your eyes yet.
47. 10:06If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
48. 10:20A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
49. 10:31Feel your knees. They're just hinges, but they've worked hard.
50. 10:43Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, without forcing it.
51. 10:56Remain here for a few more breaths.
52. 11:06Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
53. 11:18Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
54. 11:30Notice where your body is still holding something. Leave it alone.
55. 11:42Let the in-breath be short and the out-breath unhurried.
56. 11:53Stay here a little longer.
57. 12:02If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
58. 12:16I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
59. 12:28Feel your tongue sitting in the bottom of your mouth.
60. 12:40Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
61. 12:52No rush to move on.
62. 13:01Now the right shoulder. Let it be a centimetre lower than it was.
63. 13:14Breathe in for four, out for six, if you'd like something to count.
64. 13:27Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
65. 13:37Notice your whole body as one shape, sitting or lying here.
66. 13:49Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, if that's comfortable.
67. 14:02A few seconds more.
68. 14:11Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
69. 14:22Let each breath out be a small letting go of the muscles around your ribs.
70. 14:36Let your body keep settling.
71. 14:45Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
72. 14:58Let the exhale carry a little of the white-hot moment before you speak with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
73. 15:18A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
74. 15:29Imagine softening the edges of the heat rising in your chest. Not erasing it, just letting the sharp parts go a degree softer.
75. 15:47Let your breathing get quieter rather than deeper.
76. 15:58Notice how the urge to snap changes shape when you stop resisting it. Usually it gets smaller, not bigger.
77. 16:14When the white-hot moment before you speak presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
78. 16:34Let the breath get soft, the way it goes when someone is reading beside you.
79. 16:48If you catch yourself fighting the heat rising in your chest, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
80. 17:06You are allowed to be unimpressed by the urge to snap. Indifference is a legitimate response.
81. 17:21Notice the small pause before your body decides to breathe in again.
82. 17:34Notice the pull to make this mean something. It doesn't have to.
83. 17:47Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
84. 18:00If you feel restless, that's a feeling, not a failure.
85. 18:12I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
86. 18:25The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
87. 18:40Let this one be unhurried.
88. 18:49Wiggle your fingers and toes, gently, like you're testing that they still work.
89. 19:02Take a moment to notice you did this for yourself. That's not nothing.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.