Softening for self-criticism: 7 minutes, in the morning

About this practice

For the times in the morning when self-criticism takes up more room than you would like — 7 minutes, softening. A guided session of about 7 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: self-criticism

Self-criticism is a habit of speech, not an accurate report. The same inner voice repeats whether or not the evidence supports it.

It tends to show up as:

• A running commentary on your mistakes
• Harsh words you would never say aloud to someone else
• Reviewing old failures in detail

The practice is not to argue with the voice, but to speak to yourself in a tone that does not require an argument.

Doing this in the morning

• Do it before checking your phone — the first minutes set the tone for the rest
• Sitting up is better than lying down, or you will drift back to sleep
• Light on your face helps more than any practice

Mornings can become a performance of productive habits. This one does not need to be done well.

How softening works

Softening is the practice of releasing held tension degree by degree rather than all at once. It targets the physical grip — shoulders, jaw, gut — that persists long after the stressor has passed.

• Soften one place per exhale rather than everything at once
• Let warmth and gravity do the work instead of muscular effort
• If a place will not soften, leave it and go somewhere that will

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're tired, you can let that be true. Tired is allowed here.
2. 0:13Nothing here needs to be efficient.
3. 0:23Let your body be exactly as tired as it is.
4. 0:35Let your attention rest on the out-breath. The in-breath can take care of itself.
5. 0:49Let the exhale empty you a little more than usual, but not to the point of strain.
6. 1:04Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
7. 1:16Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
8. 1:28Notice your jaw again. Let your back teeth part slightly.
9. 1:40Feel your face. It's probably softer than it was five minutes ago.
10. 1:53Give the criticism you would never aim at a friend a shape, a colour, a temperature. Turning it into something specific makes it easier to hold.
11. 2:12Notice where the record of your mistakes lives in your body. Chest, throat, stomach. Rest your attention there without trying to change it.
12. 2:30Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
13. 2:42Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.
14. 2:52Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
15. 3:06If you're distracted by a sound, let the sound be the object for a moment.
16. 3:20I'll be quiet for a moment. Stay with the breath.
17. 3:32We'll take this slowly, and there's no version of this where you get it wrong.
18. 3:46If a worry shows up, name it quietly and let it sit beside you.
19. 4:00Feel the slight stretch at the very bottom of the exhale.
20. 4:12A few quiet breaths. That's all this is.
21. 4:23Each time your mind hands you the harsh voice inside, treat it like a leaf on a stream. Present for a moment, then carried on.
22. 4:42Think of the criticism you would never aim at a friend as a guest that arrived without knocking. You can let it stand in the hallway.
23. 5:01If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
24. 5:15Notice if you're waiting for something to happen. Nothing is scheduled.
25. 5:27Notice if your attention is in the future. Bring it back to the room.
26. 5:41Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
27. 5:52You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
28. 6:05If you're going straight back to work, take ten seconds at the doorway first.
29. 6:19Stand up when you're ready. The list hasn't grown while you were here.
30. 6:32Let this one be unhurried.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.