Self-compassion meditation for loneliness (5 min), before an appointment

About this practice

For the times before an appointment when loneliness takes up more room than you would like — 5 minutes, self-compassion. A guided session of about 5 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: loneliness

Loneliness registers in the body much like physical pain. It raises vigilance and lowers the threshold for reading neutral things as rejection.

It tends to show up as:

• The quiet of the house feeling loud
• Feeling unseen even in company
• Assuming you are an inconvenience

A guided voice in the room does not replace company, but it does reduce the sense of being entirely on your own with it.

Doing this in a waiting room

• You can do this with your eyes open and your hands where they are
• Nothing here needs to look like a meditation
• Aim for steadiness rather than calm

Waiting feeds the dread it is meant to relieve. Having something specific to do with the time is the useful part.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're tired, you can let that be true. Tired is allowed here.
2. 0:13Whatever you are about to say to yourself, imagine saying it to someone you love. Use those words.
3. 0:29There's a difference between relaxing and stopping. We're aiming for the second one, gently.
4. 0:43Let the breath get a little quieter, as if you were trying not to wake someone sleeping nearby.
5. 0:59Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
6. 1:13Notice where you feel the breath most clearly. Nose, chest, or belly — pick one and stay there.
7. 1:29Let the whole of your left foot be heavy.
8. 1:40Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
9. 1:51Feel the skin around your eyes. Let the muscles behind them go loose.
10. 2:04The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
11. 2:19If your body wants to move, let it move, then come back.
12. 2:32Let the sense of being unseen be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
13. 2:52If you catch yourself fighting the ache of isolation, that is worth noticing. The fight usually costs more than the feeling.
14. 3:09Breathe as if you had all evening. There's no rush in this part.
15. 3:22When the hollow feeling when the house is quiet presses in, put a hand on your chest or your belly. Warmth and pressure are anchors your body already trusts.
16. 3:43If you're bored, stay with the boredom for a moment. It's usually thinner than it looks.
17. 3:58Quiet now. The next part will wait for you.
18. 4:09Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
19. 4:24Let the quiet end on its own rather than cutting it off.
20. 4:37Stay with it.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.