Self-compassion for insomnia: 10 minutes, in the office

About this practice

For the times in the office when insomnia takes up more room than you would like — 10 minutes, self-compassion. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: insomnia

Insomnia is often maintained by the fear of not sleeping. Anticipating a bad night raises arousal at bedtime, which produces the bad night.

It tends to show up as:

• Dreading bedtime
• Hours awake with a busy mind
• Sleeping worse as the week goes on

Removing the pressure to sleep is the active ingredient. This gives you something to do that is not trying.

Doing this at your desk

• Feet flat, back supported, screen away from your eyeline
• You can do this with your eyes open if the office makes closing them awkward
• Unclench the jaw and drop the shoulders first, before anything else

Nobody needs to know you are doing it. Keep it invisible if that makes it possible.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're sitting, let the chair do the work of holding you upright.
2. 0:13Put a hand where the feeling is strongest. Warmth and pressure are the oldest kind of reassurance.
3. 0:28Notice the pause at the end of each breath. It's short, but it's there.
4. 0:42We'll start broad and narrow down. Nothing sudden is coming.
5. 0:54Let your breathing find the rhythm it uses when you're almost asleep.
6. 1:07Follow one full breath from the moment it starts to the moment it ends.
7. 1:21Feel the outline of yourself, from the top of your head to your heels.
8. 1:35Feel your palms. Warm or cool, either is fine.
9. 1:46Feel the tops of your thighs.
10. 1:56Feel your upper back against whatever is behind it.
11. 2:07Let the wide-awake mind at 2am be exactly as big as it is, and let your breath be exactly as slow as it is. They can coexist.
12. 2:27You do not have to solve the counting of hours until morning in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
13. 2:47Notice if you've been frowning at your own thoughts.
14. 2:58Notice the tone you are using on yourself. If it would wound a friend, it is not the truth.
15. 3:14Let me stop talking. Follow the breath instead.
16. 3:25Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
17. 3:37Say it once, plainly: this is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.
18. 3:51Let's pause. Just the breathing for a while.
19. 4:02Notice how you're sitting. Adjust if you need to. Then settle again.
20. 4:15The question is not what you deserve. It is what you need, right now, in this moment.
21. 4:30A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
22. 4:41If you feel numb, that's a valid thing to feel. Nothing to fix.
23. 4:54If you're holding your breath at the top, stop. There's no need to hold anything.
24. 5:08Take the next breath slowly.
25. 5:17Notice the space between your shoulder blades.
26. 5:27Let the breath move at the speed of a sleeping person.
27. 5:39Let it be this simple.
28. 5:48Feel your belly. Let it be soft instead of held in.
29. 6:00Follow the breath down into your belly and feel it come back up.
30. 6:13A few seconds more.
31. 6:22Feel your heart somewhere in there, doing its work without instructions.
32. 6:34Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
33. 6:47I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
34. 7:00If the frustration of not sleeping has been with you all day, it is probably tired too. Let it rest alongside you.
35. 7:18You have been carrying the wide-awake mind at 2am for a while. You can set it down for the length of this session and pick it up after.
36. 7:38Notice that you don't have to start a breath. It arrives by itself.
37. 7:51Let the exhale carry a little of the counting of hours until morning with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
38. 8:11If you're sleepy, sit up a little. Or let the sleepiness be there.
39. 8:24Notice any urge to check something. You can wait two more minutes.
40. 8:37I'll step back. You stay here.
41. 8:47You are allowed to have a hard time without earning it first.
42. 9:00Nothing changes for a moment.
43. 9:09Notice your feet on the floor. That's where you start from.
44. 9:21Come back to your body first, and the rest of the day second.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.