Meditation for perfectionism: 10-minute self-compassion session, on the way in

About this practice

For the times on the way in when perfectionism takes up more room than you would like — 10 minutes, self-compassion. A guided session of about 10 minutes, suited to all levels. Nothing is recorded and no account is needed.

What this works on: perfectionism

Perfectionism treats a mistake as evidence rather than an incident. The bar rises precisely where self-worth is attached, which is why it never becomes achievable.

It tends to show up as:

• Endless polishing before sharing
• Fear of a wrong step
• Delaying work until conditions are ideal

A practice with no grade attached is a useful counterweight. There is no wrong way to do the next few minutes.

Doing this on your commute

• Headphones on, eyes open or closed depending on your comfort
• Keep one part of your attention on your stop
• Do it standing if sitting is not possible — nobody is watching

Commuting time is already dead time. Nothing is being given up.

How self-compassion works

Self-compassion practice changes the tone of the inner voice rather than the content of the thoughts. It uses the same warmth and steadiness you would offer a friend, applied without requiring you to have earned it.

• Use the words you would actually say to someone you love
• Ask what you need, not what you deserve
• A hand on the chest or belly gives warmth and pressure a place to land

What happens, minute by minute

1. 0:00If you're lying down, let the mattress hold all of you. You can stop holding yourself up.
2. 0:15You can be as unimpressive as you like for the next few minutes.
3. 0:28Imagine your thoughts as traffic on a road you're standing beside. You don't have to flag any of it down.
4. 0:45Notice your own pulse somewhere. Wrist, throat, wherever you can find it.
5. 0:58Notice the first breath of the day versus this one. They're the same mechanism.
6. 1:12Count down from ten, one number per exhale.
7. 1:23Notice your heels making contact with the floor or the bed.
8. 1:35Notice your elbows. Odd things to have, but there they are.
9. 1:47Notice your shins, which take small knocks all day and never complain.
10. 2:00Notice your toes, starting with the big one on the left.
11. 2:12Nothing about the demand that everything be exactly right has to be explained or justified in this room.
12. 2:28This is not the last time the bar that is always too high will visit. That is not bad news. It means you will get more practice.
13. 2:48Notice the tone of your own inner voice. Is it kind?
14. 3:00There's no need to try harder than this.
15. 3:11Nothing to follow for a moment except your own breathing.
16. 3:23If nothing much is happening, that's not a problem. Nothing much is often the point.
17. 3:37Small efforts are the whole method.
18. 3:47Silence for a few breaths. Nothing to do in it.
19. 3:59If your mind has wandered, that's not a mistake. Noticing is the practice.
20. 4:12If you only manage half of it, that's half more than nothing.
21. 4:25I'll stop for a moment. Take the pause at your own speed.
22. 4:38Notice the difference between the breath at the front of your nose and the breath in your chest.
23. 4:54Let the quiet do its work.
24. 5:04Feel your hips. Wide, heavy, and doing nothing.
25. 5:15Notice if your breathing is faster than you expected. Don't correct it. Just note it.
26. 5:29Let it be this simple.
27. 5:38Notice your wrists. They bend a lot in a day.
28. 5:50Feel the air move past your upper lip. It's the coolest spot on the way in.
29. 6:05Let the pause stretch out.
30. 6:14Feel the front of your chest. Notice it rise and fall once.
31. 6:27Notice the breath you're taking right now. That's the only one that exists.
32. 6:40I'll leave a gap here. Use it however you like.
33. 6:52Picture the fear of a wrong step as a weather front passing over. You are not the weather. You are the sky it moves through.
34. 7:11Let the exhale carry a little of the demand that everything be exactly right with it. Not all of it. Just a little, one breath at a time.
35. 7:31Let your ribs widen on the in-breath instead of your shoulders lifting.
36. 7:44You do not have to solve the bar that is always too high in these few minutes. Your only job is to keep breathing while it is here.
37. 8:04Notice the difference between a thought and the space around it.
38. 8:16If a song is stuck in your head, let it play in the background.
39. 8:30A few seconds of nothing now. That's on purpose.
40. 8:41Let this be easy, if easy is available.
41. 8:52Take the next breath slowly.
42. 9:01Come back to your body first, and the rest of the day second.
43. 9:14Take your time opening your eyes. Nothing is waiting urgently.
44. 9:26Stay a moment longer than is comfortable.

Questions people ask

Meditation is a practice, not a treatment. If you are dealing with ongoing distress, please also reach out to a professional.